Cultivating Rosebuds

Random thoughts swirling around in my head

2011-09-29T10:13:00.000-04:00

Why hello there, blog! How are you? I know you are feeling neglected lately, so I thought I would share some of the randomness floating around in my brain. Let's see, where shall we start?

Poor Miss H was sick last week. She was so pitiful, but at the same time sweet and cuddly. I hate that she wasn't feeling well, but kind of enjoyed the extra snuggles from her that I don't get as much any more.

Lil' B has taken to preschool like a champ. Since the first day she just walks right in like she owns the place and starts playing. When did my baby get so big?

Baby Bud #3 think she is a rock star. No, seriously. She is rocking and rolling in my belly day and night. The last ultrasound I had of her three weeks ago showed us that she was breech. I am praying that baby girl turns herself around the right way with all her rocking and rolling.

Mr. Rose and I are buying a new car and trying to decide if we should sell or trade my current vehicle. Isn't being an adult so much fun?

My whole family is at my favorite beach on Hilton Head Island, SC this week and I am ~~stuck at home~~ not. This causes me great ~~jealousy~~ angst.

We are really getting to know our new neighbors on either side of us. Since we are in a new construction neighborhood, we all moved in over the summer and seem to be bonding over the horrendous job our builder did of grading our backyards. Did I mention we have had record amounts of rainfall in Maryland this September. Like 15 inches of rain? So yes, I have a nice big mud puddle in the middle of my backyard. Hence, I repeat, isn't being an adult fun?

I seem to have developed a baking habit. About a month ago, I made Paula Deen's brownie recipe and they were fan-freaking-tastic. Gosh, I love me some Paula Deen. Last week I made her Peanut Butter Bars recipe and they were to die for! Instead of eating the whole pan myself, I sent some to my friend KLZ from Taming Insanity. She was kind enough to send me this picture of them.

That's what's been going on around here the past few weeks. So tell me, what have you been up to?

Join me in my new obsession: Pinterest!

2011-09-09T10:55:00.000-04:00

A couple of weeks ago I was ~~sucked into~~ voluntarily joined the ~~time suck~~ genius web site that is Pinterest. Have you heard of it? Surely, you have. Have you checked it out? Are you on it? Because seriously, it is now my favorite way to get lost in the internet. I have been going crazy pinning ideas for crafts and sewing projects and general household organization. I have also been making myself fat just looking at the yummy recipes like this one for Baked Zucchini Sticks and Sweet Onion Dip. I made these this week and they were delicious!

Today my lovely friend Liz at a belle, a bean, and a chicago dog is hosting her monthly #BlogBoycottDay. The whole point is to find new friends to follow on Twitter and this month she included a linky for Pinterest profiles as well. Score! Now I have to go run over to Liz's place to start following all these great people. You should too! If you aren't on Pinterest and would like an invite, just let me know and leave your email address in the comments.

Happy Pinning!

Pregnancy hormones and preschool

2011-09-01T17:13:00.001-04:00

Depending on how you calculate it, I am entering the third trimester of this pregnancy. Goodness, time sure does fly when you are....busy. Honestly, I cannot believe how fast this pregnancy is going, but that is not what this post is about.

This post is about the eleventh hour preschool change that I made for both the Rosebuds last week. Let me take you back to January this year when we first found out that we would be moving here. I immediately began researching preschools and trying to discern where to enroll my girls. I found a school that I thought would be a good match, where they could both attend, and where I thought would be around the area where we would be living.

When we came here to find a house, we stopped by the preschool to drop off our registration forms. Mr. Rose made a comment as we were driving along the lines of "how much further did you say it was?"

Once we moved here, I drove down to the school at one point over the summer. As I was driving I thought about how long it was taking. It was about 20 minutes one way. Now, 20 minutes may not seem like a long time to you, but along the way I passed no less than six preschools within a mile and a half of my home. This was not going to do.

When I got home I immediately began calling schools closer to our house, but could not find a program that could take both girls. They could take one or the other, but not both. It weighed heavy on my heart for awhile, but in the end I resigned myself to the drive.

Last Wednesday, I found myself driving down to the preschool for Parent Orientation. During the thirty minutes that it took me to get there, my stress level gradually increased as I calculated how many minutes and hours and dollars-in-gas I would spend shuttling Miss H back and forth to school every week.

I could barely listen during the meeting and I found myself entering freak out mode. What if this baby screams the entire time I have her in the car? When will I be able to get her nap in? There isn't even enough time for me to go to the grocery store, go home, and then go back to pick up the girls from school.

The whole way home I debated the pros and cons of the school and thought about my options. I appeared that I had only one choice, to either suck it up and keep the girls where they were, or to put them in separate schools.

When I walked in the house, I could feel the pressure building just beneath the surface. When Mr. Rose casually asked, "So, how did it go?" I couldn't hold it in any longer. The tears came and I exploded into a pregnancy-induced, five alarm, total meltdown.

After I managed to tell him all of my concerns, not just including the drive, we decided to get more information about the other schools. In the end, I managed between Thursday and Friday of last week to register and enroll the Rosebuds at two new schools, one for each of them. It takes me all of 5 minutes to get to Miss H's school and then 5 more minutes to get to Lil' B's.

It is just over a week after our decision to change schools and everything is finally settled. The paperwork is done, the school supplies have been purchased, and Miss H even started school yesterday.

And now, I can breathe.

Erin

Getting Crafty

2011-08-24T08:06:00.000-04:00

Lately, I have really been feeling the need to make things. Don't get me wrong; Martha Stewart I am not. But I really find a place of peace when I am working on a project and love the sense of accomplishment when I find that I can create something with my own two hands.

All of this started when I was pregnant with Lil' B a little over two years ago. I found this cute bird mobile tutorial online and decided that I would attempt to build one for her nursery. I loved how the stuffed birds looked so whimsical with their mismatched fabric tops and bottoms. So I headed to the fabric store and started sewing up these cute little birdies. When it came time to actually assembling the mobile....well, let's just say that I have a box full of little sewn birdies sitting in my basement.

But I digress. Sewing the birds and seeing them come together ignited something in me. I asked for a sewing machine for Christmas and Santa brought it for me. Over the last year and half I have experimented and learned how to sew project by project. I made sunhats for the girls, aprons, and even a pair of pajama pants for myself!

My motivation for sewing wanes and waxes, but several weeks ago I felt the need to create rise up again. My sister expressed an interest in learning to sew, so I looked for a fun project we could work on while she was here visiting. Lil' B's birthday was right around the corner so this is what I came up with.

Quilted Happy Birthday Banner

I found this adorable cupcake and icecream cones fabric and thought it would be perfect for a Happy Birthday Banner. This was my first attempt at quilting, and while it isn't perfect, I absolutely adore it. I imagine many Happy Birthdays in our house with this banner and I hope it becomes a fond childhood memory for my girls as they grow up.

While my sister was here, we I made this one:

Cute, right? She picked out a more boyish fabric for her son and I love how it turned out!

So now I am on a mission to make a few baby items. First up on the agenda is a flannel bassinet sheet. If that works out, I am going to work on crib sheets, a crib skirt, and curtains. I'll keep you posted on how they turn out!

It's been awhile

2011-08-11T12:40:00.000-04:00

I know, I know, I know. It has been awhile since I've posted. I could give you every excuse I have for not blogging (including lack of time, lack of energy, and lack of motivation), but the real reason is that I am just not sure what to do with this space anymore.

I started blogging the same way most stay at home Moms start, as a way to keep my family updated on the Rosebuds. Then I found that I was writing about other things that my family didn't really care about and I discovered blogging networking sites like Mom Bloggers Club and SITS. When people I have never met before started reading my blog and commenting, I was blown away. The blogosphere is immense and there was so much I didn't know.

I attended my first blogging conference and met some incredible bloggers in real life. Bloggers who are totally committed to their blogs and work really hard at making it successful. And that is where I struggle. I am not as committed to my blog as others out there. I know that reciprocity is the best way to get followers, hits, and comments, and that those hits in return lead to great opportunities, but I just can't manage to make time for it. My biggest weakness as a person is my inability to balance everything. Balance being a wife, mom, and homemaker with my other hobbies like reading, sewing, and of course blogging.

I think what it all comes down to is that I have a constant internal struggle between "Blogging as a Hobby" and "Blogging as a tool for being successful." Because I have this internal struggle, I opt to simply not post. To ignore my blog for days or weeks on end. Often I think about abandoning it completely, but then I remember how much fun it is and those thoughts are pushed aside.

So, I am going to focus on "Blogging as a Hobby." I have carved out time in my day for scripture study, pleasure reading, and the occasional sewing project; I just need to find a specific time for blogging as well. I feel like I am starting from scratch, but that's okay. If you are still with me, reading my humble words, thank you. I hope you'll stick around.

PS - Sorry for the rambling random post, but I just had some thoughts I needed to get out of my head, and hey, that's what Blogging as a Hobby is all about, right? ; )

Rockin' the Baby

2011-07-13T08:56:00.001-04:00

My fellow blogger Shell from Things I Can't Say is hosting a link-up for us to share some of our favorite pictures of our kids as babies. Having baby fever myself, I couldn't resist!

I couldn't choose just one, so here are a few of Miss H (now 4).

3 weeks old, the day we brought her home from the NICU

5 months old and already showing her personality.

9 months old sporting a too-big-for-her-head hair bow.

Here are a few of Lil' B (will be 2 on the 28th):

One week old

4 months old, looking mischievous

9 months old

Now that I am pregnant with my third baby, I am getting so excited to find out what she will look like and to cuddle and snuggle her.

What? I didn't tell you that yet? Yes! We are having another little girl!! Here is a shot of her we got on Monday:

Baby Bud #3, 18 weeks and 4 days.

Erin

A long overdue {exciting!} announcement

2011-07-07T08:32:00.001-04:00

So friends, the joke is on me. What joke you ask? Well, my April Fool's joke. Huh? Still confused? Here's what happened. On April Fool's Day several people on Twitter were discussing what jokes and pranks they were going to play. I chimed in that I was going to fake a positive pregnancy test for my husband.

A couple of people (including bellebeandog) wondered how I could do that. It was simple; a friend of mine had just found out that she was pregnant so all I had to do was have her pee on a stick for me. In the end, I decided that joke wouldn't really be funny because my husband would have been sad when I told him it was fake.

The next morning Mr. Rose and I were working around the house trying to clean up for our then impending move. I was working in the bathroom and found one last pregnancy test that I still had left over from some point.

Then, I started counting. Counting the days since my last period. Hmmm, that's strange. Seems like it should be happening anytime now. Then I got out my calendar. Yup, it definitely should be coming anytime now. And then I had an epiphany. I'll just take this last test to get rid of it.

And that my friends is how I found out that I am pregnant. Yes indeed, the joke is on me! It was a happy surprise nonetheless. When I told Mr. Rose, he just looked incredulously at me and said, "Is this an April Fool's joke?" And then we both laughed.

This will be our third baby and we are absolutely thrilled. We always wanted to have a third, but the timing just surprised us a bit. My pregnancy so far has been pretty uneventful, except for the whole buying a house and moving 1,000 miles away part.

At this point I am almost 18 weeks and due around December 9. I have found a wonderful midwife and am praying to stay healthy and low risk for the remainder of my pregnancy so that I can finally have a full term baby!

As a sidenote, I know that my posting frequency has been woefully inadaquate. I miss connecting with all of you on a more regular basis, but life is just crazy right now. I am going to try to post once a week for a while, and if or when the spirit moves me. I know you all understand.

Erin

Moving memos

2011-06-20T11:39:00.001-04:00

For the last three weeks, our lives have been completely upended. We packed suitcases with clothes and toys and a million other necessities. We ate out practically every meal. We watched as all of our earthly belongings got packed in boxes and loaded onto a big truck. We said goodbye.

And then we drove away. And we drove and we drove and then we drove some more. More than a thousand miles north from tropical south Florida, we are finally in Maryland. Actually, we got here 12 days ago now. That is when the real work began. We unpacked and organized and unpacked and organized. We drove around and explored our new town.

The new house

There are definitely some adjustments that have been made already like getting used to having two levels instead of one. One adjustment that I am happy to make is to the climate. When we left Florida, temperatures were consistently in the 90's with insane humidity. Last week, we had highs in the 70's here and I actually wore long pants two days in a row. We opened all the windows to enjoy the cool breeze that blew through. I know I will probably be hating life in January, but right now these temperatures are a welcome change.

There is also a charm to this town that we didn't have in Florida. As I drive around I get a feeling that I haven't had in over seven years when we left Colorado. A feeling that I could live here forever. A feeling that I could become immersed in this town and have it become a part of who I am.

So that is how the last three weeks have been going for us. We are settling into our new home and our new town. After a quick family vacation to the beach, Mr. Rose will go back to work and the Rosebuds and I will settle into our new normal. I think it's going to be great.

May #DressLikeAGirl Challenge Link-up

2011-06-07T15:08:00.001-04:00

Wow, where in the world did the month of May go? This last month has been particularly busy for me what with buying a new house and moving. Right now, all of our stuff is packed up in boxes and loaded on a truck. We have traveled about halfway from Florida to Maryland and are still waiting to hear about when our belongings will be delivered. In a word, Mama Rosebud is stressed.

But you know what? I found that the times I made an effort this month to wear a dress, do my hair, and put on jewelry, I actually felt better. And the days that I just put on yoga pants, no makeup and a ponytail, I felt totally Blah. I wish I had some pictures to show you of the cute outfits I put together, but alas, my camera is packed up in some undetermined bag or suitcase.

Your Turn!

So how did you do? Share with us how you did on this first challenge. One of you that links up will win this beautiful stylish purse from Julie Vision Designs:

Rules/Details/How to Enter:

Mandatory:

Link up one of the following ways

- Link a blog post up ~~here or~~ at Melissa's (I am having technical difficulties with the Linky. Please head over to Melissa's to link up.)

- Don't want to blog it? Add your photo to our Flickr Group and provide the link to your photo in the linky

- Don't blog or Flickr? Add your photo to Mine or Melissa's Facebook Page (I think you can tag the page) and add a link back here.

Extra Entry:

You can earn 1 extra entry by Tweeting "I'm taking the #dresslikeagirl challenge with @PBinmyHair & @Mama_Rosebud http://ht.ly/5aEaO"

Linky and Giveaway will close on 12 June and the winner will be announced Monday June 13.

Link directly to your challenge post or picture not your main blog page.

June's Challenge:

Cute Beach Wear- cover-ups, hats, sandals, etc.

More on it next week, but anything goes! Have fun! Be cute! Accessorize!

Link directly to your challenge post or picture not your main blog page.

The first of the lasts

2011-05-18T08:03:00.000-04:00

It is getting to be that time. The time in the last few weeks before the move when we begin saying goodbye. I hate saying goodbye. I have never been good at it and I always cry.

On Monday, our Parents as Teachers consultant came to our house for our last visit with her. We have seen her every month for over a year, but I never felt any strong connection to her personally. As she was leaving our house, she put on her sunglasses really quickly and sort of wiped at her nose. She told me what a great Mom I am and that she knows my girls will grow up to be amazing people. As she walked out the door, I started to cry. This was the first of the lasts, the last time that we will visit with Miss Jean.

Next Monday, we will have our last Kindermusik class with the most wonderful woman, Mrs. Aimee. I met Aimee when we first moved here three years ago. Not only has she been our Kindermusik teacher, but she has also been a sounding board for me when Miss H was going through different phases and when Lil' B was having so many feeding issues. She has picked my brain about marketing for her business, but mostly we have become friends. I can't believe I will be saying "So Long" to her next week. I know for sure that I will cry.

Although I am ready for this move, and excited about it, reflecting on the first of the lasts over the past couple of days has really made me sad. I have made some wonderful connections here and friends that I know I will have for the rest of my life. I think back to all the other friends that I have moved away from in the past: friends in Colorado and North Carolina and South Carolina. I know the sadness will wane. I know that there are new friends to be made and new adventures to be had.

But for now, as I say my goodbyes and my see you laters, I know there will be tears. And I welcome them.

A note on my absence

2011-05-16T08:05:00.000-04:00

I knew this would happen, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating. I knew that May (and June to come) would be busy. I promised myself that no matter how busy it got that I would still blog. I would still check in on Twitter.

But alas, life happens.

Mr. Rose and I spent the last week of April in Maryland house hunting. The week started with two long days in the car (only one with the kids), and then five more long days of driving around with our realtor. In the end, we found a fabulous house that we are now under contract on!

Once we got back home, the long days weren't over. Every night after the kids go to bed is spent reviewing documents and discussing move logistics. By the time I sit down on the couch, I can't even think straight much less write a complete sentence.

Hence, the lack of blogging.

And as for Twitter, well, it seems that I have been banned from using my smartphone. Lil' B has decided that my phone is her new toy (it's not), so every time I pick it up a major battle ensues. Ah the joys of the terrible twos!

On Friday, I had a minor panic attack thinking that in just two short weeks the movers will be here in my house packing up all our stuff. Looking around, I saw a lot of stuff that I do not want to be unpacking on the other side. So I grabbed a garbage bag and started the purge.

We have a long way to go, but I am feeling better about being ready. Hopefully the next two weeks will go smoothly. And, I promise to try to check in more.

Miss y'all!!

Erin

Dress like a girl with us!

2011-05-01T20:49:00.058-04:00

Last month, I wrote about my birthday challenge to myself to wear a dress every day for a week. I have to tell you how liberating that experience was for me. For months now, I have felt like I have been in a total wardrobe rut. Jeans, t-shirts, and sneakers or flip flops were my "mom-iform." By challenging myself to wear more dresses and skirts, I actually found clothes in my closet that I had forgotten I even owned. The first day of the week I wore a dress that I have not worn in years. Yes, years. That morning I took the girls to Kindermusik and I was immediately greeted by our teacher with how cute and yet comfortable I looked. What a way to start the week! Not only was it a boost to my confidence and general mood, but in turn I influenced her to break out of her wardrobe routine. Later in the week she posted on my facebook wall a picture of her wearing a dress - how cool is that!

I also had feedback from one of my favorite bloggers, Melissa at Peanut Butter in my Hair. Melissa and I both read and reviewed the book Didn't I Feed You Yesterday by Laura Bennett (of Project Runway fame!) last spring. One of the chapters in Laura's book discusses how style is "about making a conscious decision to present yourself in a particular manner." I was fascinated by the fact that even as a mom of six children, she makes it a point to dress up every single day.

Melissa and I were both struck by this particular point in her book, hence Melissa's feedback on my Dress Like a Girl challenge to myself. After several emails back and forth, Melissa and I decided to launch a monthly Dress Like a Girl challenge to our blog readers. Here's how it works:

One day during the month, on a day that you would normally wear your "mom-iform" make a conscious decision to wear a dress and accessorize it accordingly.
Take note of any comments you hear, how it affects your day and any other effects of wearing something out of the norm for you.
Blog about it, grab our Dress Like A Girl button, and then come back here (or Melissa's) on the first Monday of the month to link up your post. There will also be a facebook page and a flickr album to upload pretty pictures of yourself!
Each month we are going to have different ways to challenge you to dress with some style and hopefully we'll have a few giveaways along the way!

Sound like fun? I hope so! Let's go shop our closets and dress like a girl!

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My least favorite "Mom Job"

2011-04-19T08:00:00.001-04:00

Being a mother is full of ups and downs, joys and frustrations. We've all been there when the highs are really high, like seeing your daughter swim by herself for the first time, and the lows are really low, like when you have a baby in the NICU.

Some aspects of this job come with the territory: changing diapers, doing laundry, preparing meals. While none of these are particularly "fun," I don't really mind doing them. They are just part of the job.

With any job there are always some tasks that one would consider less than desirable. One might even go so far as to say despise. When I was working (outside the home,) it was putting together my time sheet. I never remembered to do it, so I usually had to go back and fill it out for the entire month the day that it was due, and most of the time I just guestimated. (Jess T and Erin L better shush!)

I love being a stay at home Mom, and I wouldn't give it up for the world. But there are some things about this "job" that I really just cannot stand. Here are the top three:

3. Bathtime - I know, I know! Bathtime should be so much fun with the splashing and the cute little giggles. Not so much for me. I am all business at bathtime: wash the hair, wash the body, and get out. My little ones would stay in the bathtub all day if I let them, so it is inevitably a fight each an every time to get them out.

2. Middle of the Night Paci Relocation - Poor Lil' B loves her paci. So much so that if she loses it in her crib in the middle of the night, she cries and cries until I go in there, locate it, and put it back in her mouth. This is normally not a problem, but lately she has been doing it more and more and it is making me think about calling the Paci Fairy to come and take them away. I do NOT want to see that day though. Talk about a Catch-22.

1. Remembering the Lovey - Both of the girls have a lovey. Miss H has a pink teddy bear blanket, Teb-teb, that absolutely has to go everywhere with her. She sleeps with it at night, it cuddles with her on the couch during movie time, and it rides with her in the car. Lil' B also has a brown bunny blanket, Bo-Bo, for her lovey. She has recently been demanding that it go everywhere with us as well. I cannot tell you how much time I spend everyday locating these loveys. I have gotten pretty good at keeping a mental note everytime I see one laying around, just so that I can remember when one of the girls inevitably comes crying for hers. But goodness help me if we ever forget one of these loveys at home. Like I said, not my favorite part of the job.

What is the least favorite part of your job, as a parent or otherwise?

A Biting Concern

2011-04-14T11:00:00.000-04:00

Did you ever have the feeling that something was bothering your child? The past couple of weeks, Miss H has just not been herself. She has become more and more defiant, saying "NO!" with greater and greater frequency. She seems to have a chip on her shoulder and gets angry very easily.

At first, I chalked it up to The Move. Perhaps she was feeling my stress and reflecting that back onto me. Then I thought, maybe this is just a phase. She is four now and trying to exert more of her independence and control.

But then, it happened. She bit Lil' B on the finger during one of their daily scuffles. My sweet Miss H has never bitten anyone in her entire life. I didn't yell. I just looked at her and quietly said how disappointed I was in her. I asked her where she had learned to bite people and she told me, "My friend from school."

I sent her to her room for time out and consoled the still crying Lil' B. On the outside I was calm, but on the inside I was reeling. Our preschool expels children for biting. What if she did this to someone at school? Did she really learn this from her friend at school? Wait a minute. What if this friend was biting Miss H?

That night we attended the Spring Pageant at Miss H's school, so I took a moment to discuss this with her teacher. She told me that there had not been any biting incidents this year, but to tell Miss H that if someone bit her that she needed to tell the teachers.

Before bedtime, I snuggled Miss H and asked her if her friend had ever bitten her. She shook her head yes, and held up four fingers. "She bit you four times??" I asked. "What did you do?"

"Nothing. She kissed it better, gave me a hug, and told me she was sorry," Miss H replied. She even showed me a place on her arm where she had been bitten, although no physical mark remained.

I wanted to cry. Is this child biting my daughter and getting away with it? Is this why she has been getting so angry and lashing out lately? Maybe Miss H is making the whole thing up. My mind flashed to the scene in "A Christmas Story" when Ralphie tells his mother that he learned the "bad word" from one of his (innocent) friends. Is Miss H just telling me a story?

I reinforced with her that biting, hitting, and kicking are not acceptable behaviors. That if anyone ever hurt her, she needs to tell the teacher. I'm still not sure if it actually happened, but I can't take the chance that this is happening and going unaddressed. I also wanted her to know that she can talk to me about anything that was bothering her, no matter what it is.

I guess only time will tell.

Stressful days ahead

2011-04-12T07:00:00.001-04:00

Life is busy and stressful right now. We are six weeks out from our move out of state and two weeks out from beginning our house hunting in earnest. Mr. Rose and I are looking at home listings daily and crunching the numbers on how much house we can really afford. We are having a hard time balancing what we need in a home and what we want, and the difference in price between them is staggering.

As much as I like to spend money, I am really a saver. I come from the philosophy of not spending more than you have and always keeping three to six months of expenses on hand in case of an emergency. My Dad even commented once that I probably still have my First Communion money in a piggy bank somewhere.

All this makes this process that much more stressful. I am extremely risk averse and I am afraid of biting off more than we can chew. Add to this the stress of moving our household nearly 1,000 miles away and dealing with the process of explaining everything to Miss H.

So, I am cranky.

That is what stress does to me, and it annoys me to no end. I hate being cranky. I hate how my being cranky affects my husband and my children.

And I realize that some things have to take a back seat to life. Things like the half sewn pair of pajama pants sitting next to my sewing machine. Things like blogging at the pace that I have been keeping up lately, which really isn't all that much.

So, the sewing machine is getting packed up, and Cultivating Rosebuds is going to be updated less frequently. You can expect to see a post from me once or maybe twice a week until I can get through the next few weeks. That said, if anyone is interested in guest posting, I would love to have you!

Finding peace in the sacrifice

2011-04-07T07:00:00.001-04:00

She's crying. Why, oh why is she crying? She's only been asleep for 30 minutes. That is not enough of a nap for a 20 month old. I'll go in to check on her, lay her back down, and walk out.

There. She's quiet. Hold your breath so she doesn't wake up again. Shush the four year old who only wants a drink.

NO! NO! NO! NO! She CAN NOT be crying again. It's only been five minutes since the last time I went in there. I have things I need to be doing. Ugh. What is going on with this child? Maybe she's just done sleeping. I'll pick her up this time.

Rock, shhh, rock, shh, rock, shh.

She's falling back asleep. Don't look her in the eyes or she might wake up. Look at her sideways to see her little eyelids flittering closed.

Focus on the cross on the wall. The Cross. The symbol of the ultimate sacrifice. What have I sacrificed lately?

Look at that. She's asleep in my arms. We are rocking and I am getting sleepy. Feeling the soft warmth of her breath on my skin and I am drifting off.

Peace.

I guess she just needed her Mama. I guess I just needed her too. We cuddle and sleep for nearly 45 minutes. In the end, I sacrificed a few minutes of my day to help her rest, but really, it was no sacrifice at all.

Wise words from my Mom

2011-04-04T07:00:00.001-04:00

I am, and always have been, a worrier. I get really stressed out about everything. When I became a mom, I did not know how much I was capable of worrying.

When we first brought Miss H home from the hospital, I worried that she wasn't eating enough. She was sent home from the NICU with specific instructions about how much she needed to be eating. I kept a chart of how many minutes she nursed, how many ounces she drank from her bottles, and how many wet and soiled diapers she had. When I wasn't sure of myself, I pulled out my copy of "A Nursing Mother's Companion".

As she grew, I worried about her sleeping habits and patterns. Was she sleeping enough and at the right times? Why wouldn't she sleep through the night? I charted her sleepy times and the times and lengths of her naps. When I wasn't sure of myself, I pulled out my copy of Dr. Sears' "Baby Sleep Book".

Over her four years I have worried about her health and development, and have routinely turned to a multitude of books for answers and help. My bookshelves are overflowing with books by doctors, nurses, and social workers.

A couple of weeks ago, I called my Mom. I was freaking out about Miss H not being able to hop on one leg. Not that she was injured, she just can't do it. My mom came back to me with the best advice about being a mother ever: throw the books away and just RELAX.

Now that is an interesting concept. Relax and trust that you know what is right for your children. Miss H is otherwise happy and healthy, why should it matter that she can't hop on one leg? Lil' B won't sleep for longer than an hour in the afternoon; maybe that is just her natural rhythm.

While it may be difficult for me to physically throw those books away, my Mom made a great point. How often do we as mothers question and second guess ourselves? How often do we compare our children to the children of others and wonder if our child is "normal?"

Trying to relax is now going to become my new goal thanks to that sage advice from my Mom. This year I am trying to plan my Mother's Day gift for her a little early because the month of April is going to be incredibly busy for us. I am terrible at picking out cards, but Tiny Prints is going to make choosing and sending Mother's Day cards easy-peasy. They have the cutest greeting cards for every kind of mom - from your Grandmother to your Mother-in-law.

Tiny Prints provides simple, modern and unique stationery from Fathers Day Cards to personalized greeting cards to thank you cards, business cards, and even custom wedding invitations or photo birth announcements. Offering exclusive designs from the nation’s top designers, easy card personalization, a powerful preview engine and top-notch customer service and paper quality, their designs have been lauded by numerous television networks, publications and celebrities. With Tiny Prints by your side commemorating every holiday and momentous occasion is a cinch! They offer perfect party invitations for every occasion and memorable personalized photo-gifts like notebooks, photo books and calendars to commemorate the event.

A big thank you to Tiny Prints for sponsoring this post and to Global Influence for providing the opportunity. I was compensated with a $50 gift from Tiny Prints in exchange for this post.

2011 Ultimate Blog Party - I'm late!

2011-04-01T13:09:00.000-04:00

It’s here; it’s really here! I can’t believe it is time for The Ultimate Blog Party again. So much so, that I ~~completely~~ almost forgot (whoops!) If you are stopping by from the party, welcome!

I started Cultivating Rosebuds a little over a year ago as a way to maintain my sanity. I love being able to sit down at the computer and pour my heart out or relate a cute or funny story about my Rosebuds, Miss H (4) and Lil’ B (20 months.) My husband even pops in once in awhile to write about life with three women in the house.

What I love most about blogging is connecting with other mothers. I love being able to read a blog, nodding my head the whole time in agreement, the “I’ve been there” agreement. I’ve made friends all over the country through blogging, and that is why I am so excited about the Ultimate Blog Party.

With my blog, I am all about making connections and having a conversation. If you leave a comment for me, I try to respond back to you via email. (Is your email part of your google profile? No? It should be!) If you follow me on Twitter, talk to me and I will follow you back. A very wise blogging friend of mine once said that Blogging friends are made from reading blogs, but those friendships are developed on Twitter. (Not on twitter yet? You should be!)

So, I’m off to check out some of the other partiers through the Linky List at 5 Minutes for Mom. Leave me a comment and I’ll be sure to stop by your blog, too! Happy Partying!!

Explaining to a four year old about moving

2011-03-30T08:00:00.001-04:00

It is no secret around our house that we are moving in two months. My husband and I are constantly making lists of all the preparations we need to make and working on them. A couple of months ago, we explained to Miss H that we would be moving this summer. We told her that we would have a new house, a new school, and a new church. What we did not explain to her is that this new house is 1,000 miles away from this one.

She took to the idea pretty easily.

A few weeks ago at bedtime, she asked Mr. Rose a question. "Daddy, when we move to the new house, can we take this blanket with us?" My husband replied, "Of course, sweetie. And do you know what else? We're going to take ALL our stuff with us like your bed and the kitchen table." My four year old beamed at the thought and squealed, "Oh, thank you Daddy!"

When he relayed this story to me, I began to wonder how much she actually grasped about the reality of moving. We "moved" to my parents house for four months last year. Technically, we had a new house, a new school, and a new church. But eventually, we came home. This is probably the reason why she didn't know that we would be taking everything with us to our new house.

The past couple of weeks I have been considering how she is going to do leaving her friends. During the last "move," we wrote letters to her friends and we had a countdown calendar to when we would be seeing her friends again. She is older now and she has made some really close friendships this year. She keeps talking about going to her friend Miss A's house for Halloween and going to Disney World (which is currently right down the road) next Christmas. My quandry has been if I should tell her that she is leaving her friends for good, or just wait for her to make that realization after we have already gone.

Yesterday, on the drive to school Miss H was telling me something about how "after we go on our moving vacation, we can come back to our regular house." I thought, enough is enough, and came out with it.

"Sweetie, you know when we move to the new house with our new school and our new church? Well, we are not going to be coming back here to this house. We won't live here anymore."

The look of pure shock and then overwhelming sadness on her face broke my heart. Her little mouth turned down in that distraught frown and the big tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, the tears and the cries came.

"But, but, but then I will NEVER see my friends AGAIN!"

I reached my hand back to hold her little fingers. I told her that I know it will be sad to leave our friends, but that we could write letters to them and maybe even Skype with some of them. She calmed down more quickly than I thought she would. We dried her tears for the moment, but I am sure there are more to come.

Have you ever had to explain the concept of moving to a young child? How long does it take to really sink in to them? I guess time will only tell us.

PS - Today is my birthday! Did you see my Dress Like a Girl Challenge that I made for myself? Check out all my cute outfits for the week on my facebook page. If you want to play along, wear a dress or a skirt today and upload a picture of yourself to the page.

Happy Birthday Week to me!

2011-03-28T07:30:00.001-04:00

Yes, it is that time of year again. The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, and my birthday is rapidly approaching. I love my birthday and I try to drag it out as long as possible. In the past, I have tried to celebrate for my whole birthday month. Now that Miss H also has a March birthday, I have had to cut it down to just my birthday week. (I don't mind sharing!)

I have been trying to figure out what to do differently this week to make it special for myself. One thing that has really been irritating me lately is how often I dress up. I have lots of cute dresses, skirts, and shoes in my closet that never get worn. My standard mom-iform is jeans (any variety of pants, capris, or shorts) and a t-shirt. Shoes usually come in the comfortable variety: running shoes or flip flops.

This week I am really going to challenge myself to dress like a girl if you will: dresses, skirts, and flirty shoes, oh my! I already have my first outfit picked out and I am so excited. If you want to keep up with fun, check out my Cultivating Rosebuds facebook page where I will be uploading a picture of my attire each day this week. If you want to play along, dress up in something pretty, take a picture of yourself, and upload it to my facebook page. (Wednesday, March 30, is my actual birthday, so playing along on that day would be a super birthday gift for me!)

Have a great week, y'all!

Hazards of Motherhood: Stroller vs Toe

2011-03-25T06:30:00.002-04:00

Since becoming a mother I have experienced natural childbirth, plugged ducts and thrush. I have been pinched by little baby fingers that don't know any better and had my hair pulled. I have given myself bruises from carrying an infant car seat carrier and pinched my fingers in numerous harness straps.
But nothing, no nothing, compares to the pain that I felt this week.
The day started out as any ordinary day. The kids were ~~watching cartoons~~ occupying themselves while I organized the kitchen cabinets. After awhile I decided a trip to the library would be good for all of us.
Trips to the library require me to get my stroller out of the back of my small SUV. Lil' B would run all over that place while I tried to check out if I didn't. Fortunately for me, I have a super awesome Phil & Ted's Sport stroller. It is perfect for taking one or both kids depending on the setup.

Unfortunately for me, this stroller also weighs a ton. Well, maybe not a ton. It actually weighs 24 pounds, but I also had the second "jump" seat attached to it so all together it was more like 30 pounds.
In the parking lot of the library I was attempting to heave the mighty beast out of the back of my car when the whole thing unfolded and dropped right on my big toe.
I. Wanted. To. Cry. I yelled, "Owie! Owie! Ow! Ow!!" instead of the choice bad words that I was thinking in my head. I examined my poor toe to find that the nail had cracked and it was starting to bleed.
I managed to get the kids into the library where a kind librarian gave me two Band-Aids, but that poor guy was a throbbin'. I was actually limping it hurt so badly. My ~~hypochondriac~~ mind starting racing. Maybe it was broken? Was it really possible to break a toe with a stroller?
Later that afternoon I was able to have it checked by a doctor and even had x-rays taken of it. Luckily, nothing is broken, but that knowledge didn't make it feel any better. Maybe somebody at Phil & Teds will read this, feel sorry for me, and offer to send me a new (lighter) stroller. Just kidding (kind of.)
So let it be known, motherhood is hazardous to your health. And don't go dropping a stroller on your toe. It really really hurts.

Adventures of a NICU Mommy

2011-03-23T06:18:00.001-04:00

Last week I wrote about how I never thought I could have a preterm birth. Here is what happened next.

One more push. You can do it, Erin. Just one more good one. Feel her head. It's right there. Just one more big push.

With that last push, Miss H came into the world and she was immediately surrounded with doctors and nurses. They examined her and found that while only 4lbs 13oz, she was in remarkably good shape.

Mr. Rose carried her over to me so that I could see her, but I was not allowed to hold her yet. The neonatologists whisked her out of my room to the NICU for further evaluation.

Once I was able to get out of bed, I walked with a nurse to the NICU. Mr. Rose was already there, not having left Miss H's side. I sat in a chair next to her little bed. There were monitors and wires attached to her. She looked so small. Just like a little peanut.

Over the course of the next day, we spoke to countless doctors and nurses. No one could tell us how long she would be there. She has to take all her feedings by mouth and be growing steadily, they said. Probably around three weeks.

I spent nearly every waking hour at her side for the next what seemed like forever. After I was discharged from the hospital, I was allowed to stay in an empty room on the Mother-Baby unit for a week, but I eventually checked out and went home to sleep. Mr. Rose went back to work so that he could take vacation when we brought her home.

I was pumping breast milk for her every three hours, which she was fed through a tube in her nose. Eventually, they started trying to give her the milk through a bottle the size of a pill container. Tiny.

Every day was Groundhog Day, the only difference was when Mr. Rose was with me on the weekend. Every three hours the routine was the same. Pump. Clean the pump parts. Store the milk. Head to her side. Prepare a bottle. Try to feed. Say hundreds of prayers for her to eat.

I became friends with the nurses. They worked 4 days on, 3 days off, so I got to know most of them. On my birthday, I brought them cupcakes that I had baked. One of the nurses who happened to be off that day, called up to the NICU to wish me a Happy Birthday. That was the day Miss H took her first full bottle and we did not have to put any milk through her tube - a huge victory!

The next day, she would take none. And I broke down leaving the hospital that day right in front of her doctor. He hugged me and told me, "She'll go home when she's ready. Just give it a few more days."

And that is how it goes in the NICU. The highs are really high, and the lows can be really low. I was fortunate that even though Miss H spent 25 long days in the NICU she was relatively healthy. She had some jaundice issues and trouble taking her first feedings, but she really did not have any serious medical problems.

Every time I left the hospital to get some food or take a break, I felt an excruciating pain in my heart. I would see families leaving several times a day with newborns in their little car seats and I was jealous. I would sit in my car and sob because my little one was not in my car with me.

To this day, I feel cheated. I did not get to have my baby in my hospital room with me. I did not get to take her home the day I went home. I had to be separated from her for what felt like eons even though it was only days. It breaks my heart still to think about her alone in the hospital when it was time for me to leave to go home to sleep.

Eventually, we did bring our sweet girl home. It was a rocky transition with a combination of nursing and bottle feeding, but that is a post for another day. In the end, Miss H grew to be a happy and healthy baby and little girl. I thank God every day for her and for the modern medicine that allowed her to be.

Linking up with Shell from Things I Can't Say for Pour Your Heart Out.

Why do we go on vacation again?

2011-03-21T14:39:00.001-04:00

This weekend my parents flew down from South Carolina to spend the weekend with us in Orlando. It was a little bit like Groundhog Day because we stayed in the same hotel where we stayed a few weeks ago, and we were going to the same parks that we had visited as well.

For some reason, I felt this immense pressure to make sure that my parents had a good time. This was their first trip to Disney World in 16 years and their first trip with grandchildren.

I could not get my act together the entire weekend. I constantly felt like I was unorganized, chaotic, and out of flux. Not a good feeling for me.

On top of all this, Lil' B was more fussy this time in the parks and also was not sleeping as well as she did during our first trip. She screamed bloody murder every time we tried to lay her down in her portable crib. One or the other of us ended up rocking her to sleep each night and she ended up sleeping in our bed twice...a big no-no for me at this age.

The last day of our trip we decided to visit Universal Studios Islands of Adventure. My mom and I are huge Harry Potter ~~nerds~~ fans, so we wanted to see the Wizarding World of Harry Potter section of the park. We let the kids play with the men in Seussland while Mom and I drank our Butterbeers and waited in line to ride our rides.

And I felt guilty the whole time. I felt like I had abandoned my husband and children just to do something that I wanted to do. We hurried back to the group as soon as we had finished, but I still felt bad.

We didn't spend long at Universal because there just isn't much for the little ones to do there, so we headed back to the hotel to pack up for home. As soon as we got back to the hotel, I discovered that my purse was missing. I panicked. I knew exactly where I had left it: in a restroom stall in Seussland.

My heart raced thinking about everything I had lost: my id's, credit and ATM cards, money. I wanted to cry just thinking about it. How could I have been so stupid?

We managed to call Lost and Found at Universal, and wonder of wonders, someone had found my purse and turned it in with everything still in it. I absolutely could not believe it. The rest of the afternoon was a blur, but it involved packing up our hotel room, going back to Universal to pick up my purse, and then listening to Miss H ask "are we there yet?" all the way home.

Now that we are home, unpacked, and settled, I still feel like I can't get back on track. I woke up tired and have been in a foul mood all day. Lil' B did sleep in her bed all night, but she has been out of sorts today too. I am actually starting to think that she may be sick.

And so I sit here at the computer, trying to decompress a little and I am contemplating why we bother going on vacation with small children. Will they even remember the fun that we had? Is all the lack of sleep worth it? Do they even appreciate what we do to try to show them a good time? Why do I beat myself up so badly? Why can't I cut myself a break and just relax and have fun?

These are the questions that are swirling around in my brain right now. I'm sorry if this has been a rambling random stream of consciousness post, but that's just where I am right now. I hope you all had a great weekend and are starting this week off on the right foot!

Rokenbok ROK Blocks Review and Giveaway

2011-03-17T14:02:00.001-04:00

When Miss H was about 18 months old, I decided that she will probably grow up to be an engineer like her Daddy. Not only did she love to build towers with blocks at that age, but we could entertain her in restaurants by having her stack creamer cups. Now that she is four, she also has a huge imagination and loves to make up stories about whatever it is she is building.

Recently, I was given the opportunity to review Rokenbok ROK Blocks. When the set arrived, Miss H was so excited to take all the parts out of the box. As a follow-the-directions kind of person, I immediately headed for the instruction manual to figure out how to assemble the airplane from the Deluxe Preschool Building Set that I was provided.

There we were sitting side by side on the floor together. I was pouring over the instructions, and Miss H was "helping." After awhile, she figured out that it was boring just watching me put the airplane together, so she started playing with the blocks herself. Before I knew it, she said, "Look Mom! It's a "cuper-duper!!" (She makes up words, too.)

I was so focused on "making something" that I completely ignored the fact that my child A) loves blocks and B) has a huge imagination. She taught me a huge lesson about how important imaginitve play is for children of all ages, and that I should probably use mine more.

Once I came to my senses, she I and sat together and just created. We built towers, and castles, and so much more. We both love how the ROK Blocks can be built up and out, as opposed to other sets that can only go up.

I love that all the Rokenbok products come with a lifetime guarantee. In this day and age when toys are getting more and more expensive while being produced with less quality, a lifetime guarantee is something that I find extremely valuable.

In the end, we are all having a great time with the ROK Blocks. I did even manage to make that airplane!

Rokenbok has generously offered one Deluxe ROK Blocks Preschool Building Set to one of my readers, a $50 value!

RULES: Mandatory entry must be completed before any other entries will count. The giveaway will run from today through 9PM on 3/25/2011. The winner will be notified via email and will have 48 hours to respond. Please make sure that your email is part of your profile, or otherwise include it in your comment. If I can't email you, you won't win, sorry.

MANDATORY ENTRY: Visit the Rokenbok web site and leave a comment telling me which product your children would love.

EXTRA ENTRIES (please leave one comment per extra entry):

Follow Rokenbok on Twitter.
Like Rokenbok on Facebook.
Follow Cultivating Rosebuds with GFC or subscribe via email and confirm (Sidebar)
Follow me @mama_rosebud on Twitter.
Like Cultivating Rosebuds on Facebook.
Tweet (as much as once daily, leaving link to your tweet): Win a @RokenbokToys $49 ROK Blocks Deluxe Preschool Building Set from @mama_rosebud http://ow.ly/4gFnI

Good luck!

Disclosure: I received the Rokenbok ROK Blocks Deluxe Preschool Building Set for the purpose of this review. All opinions are mine.

PYHO: I never thought it would happen to me

2011-03-16T07:00:00.002-04:00

When I first found out I was pregnant with Miss H, I poured over "What to Expect" type books about being pregnanct. I wanted to know every step of the way what was normal and healthy. Was I gaining the right amount of weight? What did those twinges mean?

Over the course of the next few months, I would have a routine pregnancy. I had all the normal pregnancy symptoms: mild to moderate morning sickness, cravings and food aversions, intense sense of smell. I lost a little weight at first and then started gaining as I was supposed to be.

At the time, I was driving 75 miles one way to work to a job that I loved. As my pregnancy progressed, I began to worry about the driving back and forth. My back was killing me from sitting so much (and from being pregnant!), so I managed to work a couple of days from home. Finally, I told my boss that I would be resigning at the end of my 28th week. I could not risk going into labor on the drive on my way home, or in the city I worked in which was over an hour away from where Mr. Rose worked.

After I stopped working, I filled my days with watching "A Baby Story" on TLC and what seemed like incessant cleaning. Mr. Rose would come home from work and find all the cabinets organized. I think he even said something along the lines of, "Are you nesting or something?" Who me? I'm only 32 weeks pregnant! This is not nesting. Nesting comes at the end.

Ahem.

A few days later, I headed to my 32-week prenatal appointment. There was an unusually long wait that day, and I remember being irritated that things were so behind. When I was finally called back, my blood pressure registered 135/100 (I actually have that number committed to memory.) My normal blood pressure is 100/70. The midwife who met with me for that appointment noticed my increased blood pressure and sudden weight gain of 15 lbs in four weeks and looked at me with concern. She told me to take it easy and to come back in two weeks instead of four.

Oh, how I wish I could relive that appointment! How I yearn to remember to tell her how badly my back was hurting! How much do I want to go back to that exam room and beg her to check my cervix for dilation.

Hindsight is 20/20 friends.

After that appointment, I went to the grocery store. I drove home, unpacked the groceries, and made a snack. I laid on the couch for awhile before I went to meet Mr. Rose at our childbirth preparation class.

And that is where my water broke. Right in the middle of practicing our relaxation techniques, I felt liquid running down my legs.

At 32 weeks and 4 days, I was admitted to labor and delivery with preterm rupture of membranes. I measured 2 cm dilated and was told that I was not having contractions. The doctors decided to monitor me overnight and then keep me in the hospital until my baby was born which they told me would be no longer than two weeks.

I lay on the examination table and tears ran down my cheeks. I was not prepared for this. At all. We didn’t have a car seat yet. We didn’t even have her name picked out.

We called our families. Everyone sounded concerned. We were concerned. Neither of us knew what was happening, why this was happening, or how this had happened. We were going to have a preemie.

The next morning after being told all night long that I was NOT having contractions, I demanded to be checked by a doctor. One peek under the sheet and that doctor said, “Yup, there’s the head.”

A few minutes later Miss H entered the world as a big 4lb-13oz 32-week preemie. She was wisked off to the NICU. My first day as a mother, and I had not just become a mommy. I had become a NICU Mommy. I never thought it could happen to me.

{In case you were wondering, the low back pain I had been experiencing for weeks before my water broke was actually preterm labor. The increased blood pressure and sudden weight gain all should have been red flags. In my opinion, I probably should have been on bed rest, but failed to mention all of my concerns to my health care provider. Next week, I will write more about my adventure as a NICU Mommy.}

Today I am linking up with Shell at Things I Can't Say for her Pour Your Heart Out meme. This is the one year anniversary of PYHO and she has some great gifts to give away for anyone who links up a PYHO post by tomorrow night. I personally love this meme because Shell is an amazing hostess and I always find some inspiring posts and fabulous new bloggers to follow from it. Head on over there and check it out!

I survived the CandyLand Birthday Party

2011-03-14T07:00:00.001-04:00

They came. They partied. They conquered.

Ten small children all under the age of 5 descended upon La Casa de Rosebud on Saturday morning. It was the climax of a week spent cleaning, cooking, and decorating, along with Miss H constantly asking if we could start the cleaning, cooking, and decorating all week.

We rolled out the welcome mat.

Good eats! We served hot dogs and hamburgers along with colorful fruits and veggies and multicolored goldfish.

Pin the Gingerbread Man on the Gingerbread Tree game. (Psst! I made that tree!)

Miss H being serenaded by her cutie friends. (That sweetie on the very right belongs to my IRL friend Upcycle Mama.)

Here's a better shot of the whole cake. Today at the grocery store I discovered that Pepperidge Farm makes a Gingerman cookie. I searched high and low for some sort of gingerbread to put on this cake and kicked myself for not finding these sooner. Yes, my cake is sans gingerbread men. Also, I thought Nutter Butters might be better for the Grandma Nut section than the Circus Peanuts.

In case my friends' children did not have enough sugar at the party, I sent them home with goody bags filled with lollipops! In case you can't read it the sign says, "Having you here has been such a treat, Please do not leave without some sweets!"

In the end, the party was fabulous. Miss H was over the moon excited about her party and celebrating her birthday with her friends. We played a few games and had some fun outside in a borrowed bounce house. As far as I could tell, a great time was had by all. And I survived!!

Paying it Forward

2011-03-11T07:00:00.001-05:00

Have you ever had a migrane headache?

If you've never had one, consider youself blessed. First, I start by seeing bright lights floating in my vision. I have about 20 minutes from that point before the pain starts, normally right above my eyes and down the sides of my face. When it hits, all I can do is lay down with my eyes closed not moving.

In my life I have only had a few, I'm not sure how many, but less than five. In the last month, I have had two. This last one happened earlier this week. Lil' B and I were heading to the library for storytime while Miss H was at school when I started seeing the lights. We immediately headed home where I closed all the blinds and still kept on my sunglasses. Lil' B was so good. She happily cuddled with me on the couch watching Mickey Mouse and Elmo. It would have been lovely if my brain hadn't felt like it was exploding.

Then, I started to panic. How in the world am I going to pick up Miss H from school? I can't even sit up, much less drive. I tried for an hour to get a hold of Mr. Rose at work to no avail. Finally, I did the thing that I hate doing most in the world. I asked a friend for help. I don't know why I hate to ask for help, but I do. I feel guilty, like I am putting the other person out. But at this point, I had no other choice.

So I called a close friend whose daughter attends the same school as Miss H. She happily agreed to pick her up from school and even brought her home to her house so the girls could play while I rested during Lil' B's naptime. The one hour nap that I took made me feel like a new person. My friend truly saved the day.

Later that evening while the girls and I were getting ready for dinner, another one of my friends called me very emotional. Her husband was ill and she needed to take him to the emergency room. I didn't hesitate for one second.

"Bring Gabbi to my house," I said.

"But she'll probably need to spend the night," she replied.

"It will be fine. Calm down so that you can drive, bring her here, and everything will be okay."

The evening with three little girls under the age of four was a little crazy, but we managed to get everyone fed and ready for bed. It was actually kind of fun to see how life with three kids could be (although ours won't be in close as age as these three are seeing as how Baby Bud #3 has not even been conceived yet.)

And as I sit here reflecting on the days events, I feel a sense of peace for being able to repay my friend who helped me by paying it forward and helping someone else. I feel good for being able to do something, to help another friend, and I realize that when someone offers to help me that I should not feel guilty about that. Everyone needs help now and then. Just make sure to pay it forward. It feels awesome.

My Lenten Sacrifice

2011-03-09T07:00:00.001-05:00

Today is Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of the season of Lent, or the 40 days leading up to Easter. As a Catholic, I join many Christians across the world in this time of fasting, repentance, and prayer.

During Lent, my family and I will abstain from meat on Fridays and also try to give something else up. My parents are giving up meat completely. My sister is giving up sweets and the reality show "Real Housewives." I had a hard time coming up with what I am going to do for Lent, but this is what I have come up with so far.

Giving up Fast Food
As disgusting as it is, I am pretty much a sucker for fast food. The lazy girl inside of me finds it so easy to pull into that drive through and order food instead of heading home to make lunch or to prepare a snack ahead of time and bring it with me on errands. This is especially true when running around town with the girls. Miss H can spot a McDonald's or a Chick-Fil-A from a mile away, so this will be good for her too. I know I am not going to be able to go the whole season without buying her the occasional Happy Meal, but I hope to cut down on the frequency significantly. I am also going to try to keep track of the number of occasions that I want to stop by a Drive-through and put aside $2 for each time to donate to our church at the end of Lent.

Reading
I have several religious or spiritual books on my shelf that I have never opened or finished. My goal is going to be to only read these during Lent. If I find that I need a break, I may pick up a Christian fiction novel. I am going to devote 30 minutes in the evenings to read before going to bed and hope to get through at least three books.

Prayer
I have gotten woefully behind on my New Year's Resolution to spend more time reading scripture this year. As part of my Lenten preparations, I am going to try to read from my Catholic Women's Devotional Bible every morning. In fact, to make it easier for me to remember, I am bringing my Bible out of my bedroom and into the kitchen so that I can read it while drinking my coffee in the morning.

These are my goals for Lent this year. So, what do you do? Do you give anything up?

A portrait of my children

2011-03-07T08:00:00.001-05:00

I am completely obsessed with having pictures taken of my kids. I wish I were a photographer and could take amazing pictures of them myself, but alas I am not. My point-and-shoot and I get some okay to average pictures. When I am looking for great photos, I turn to the professionals.

Friday afternoon I planned to get Miss H's 4 year old and Lil' B's 18 month portraits taken. Earlier in the week we picked out what they would both wear and had it approved by Mr. Rose. Well, when Friday afternoon rolled around that dress was too "ouchy" for Miss H and she didn't like the rope (ribbon) around it. After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, we decided on another dress that was just as cute but not quite as matchy-matchy as what Lil' B was wearing. Fine.

Now for the little one. Lil' B got dressed with no problems, but when it came time to put on her shoes she had other ideas. No cutsie little sandals for me, no sir! She wants the sneakers, with no socks by the way, 'cause that's how she rolls.

I finally manage to get the shoe situation under control when it is time to tackle the hair. Why do I even bother? Lil' B insists she wants a hair bow. After I wrap the little elastic around her water spout about 50 times, she pulls it right out. Okay then, no hair bow. Miss H is happy with a simple barrette, but wants to wear a necklace however. A girl's gotta accessorize, right?

Once we are all dressed to the nines, we head to the portrait studio. We arrived a few minutes early which causes me to have to listen to Miss H ask me every thirty seconds, "Is it our turn, yet?" I manage to distract both girls with some toys they have out for a few minutes of peace before it is in fact our turn.

The whole studio session is a blur. All I can remember are two little girls running amuck, trying to climb up the background, throwing silk flowers all over the place, doing anything but listen to me or the photographer. Lil' B laid down when she was supposed to be standing. Miss H stood when she was supposed to be sitting. The poor photographer would try to pose their hands and feet, but in the two seconds it took her to click the photo the pose was gone. We were a ruckus. Twenty minutes later, I surrendered.

After the photos were taken, I handed out drinks and goldfish. Too bad for me, I had packed milk for Lil' B and a juice box for Miss H for which I then had to listen to B scream for juice. Thankfully, Miss H did share her juice and we were able to pick out a few photos to have prints made.

At the end of this two hour (from dressing to leaving the studio) ordeal, I was exhausted but pleased. We managed to document just one more stage of the cuteness, and some of the attitudes as well. Let me know what you think of the results.

Kids and Walt Disney World

2011-03-04T08:09:00.000-05:00

The magic of going to Disney World for me as an adult is seeing it through the eyes of my children. I get more excited about seeing characters walking around than I ever did when I was there as a kid because I am excited for them. Seeing their faces light up when they realize that Mickey Mouse or Cinderella is right near by is worth every penny we spend to get there.

One thing you have to know about my kids is that they are talkers. Miss H quite literally never stops talking. Here are a few short quotes from the kids from our trip.

I see Mickey, we're almost there B!
It's okay B, I know you're excited.
Is it starting yet? Is it starting yet? Is it starting yet?
Maybe we could get a little snack? (Read: ice cream)
It's so cool. You go from country to country to country, and at the end you go to Hawaii. (Miss H on It's A Small World)
What's next guys?
I'm not tired....I'm not tired....
Mooouuuuuse! Duuuuuuuuuuck! Goooooofeeyyyyyy! (Lil' B)
Heading into Epcot Miss H says, "Lil' B, we're going to see a big golf ball!"
What was your favorite part of Disney World Miss H? EVERYTHING!!

Over the 32 hours (4 days X 8 hours each) we spent inside Walt Disney World, I also learned a few things about doing Disney with small children. This is by no means an all inclusive list, just some golden nuggets.

Be prepared.
Know what you want to do and when you should do it in order to minimize your waiting time. Make sure you bring everything into the park with you that you could possibly need like sunscreen, change of clothes, sunglasses, hats, diapers, wipes, snacks and drinks. You will pay $3.50 for a bag of chips and $2.50 for a large Diet Coke. Just sayin'.

Be gracious.
Yes, you will inevitably get hit by some lady with four kids pushing a stroller. Yes, you will probably almost get run over by a senior citizen in an electric scooter. You might possibly even get hit in the head by one of those fun characters that you are there to see because they haven't quite gotten used to their costume yet. You yourself will probably step on toes and bump into 100,000 people. Just take it in stride, be gracious, and move on.

Relax and embrace the crazy.
You may have a plan. You may have things you think your kids want to do. Once you get in the park, all those things may go out the window. It is OKAY. Just relax and embrace the crazy. Do what your kids want to do for the most part and throw in something that you think they'll like here and there.

Come to grips with the fact that you WILL spend money.
There are tons of websites out there telling you how to save money at Disney. Even if you use all their tips and tricks, including bringing everything you think you might need (see above), you will not get out of that park without having to buy something. There are ice cream treats and Mickey Ears for sale every 10 feet. Good luck with that.

So there you have it folks. Taking small children to Disney World is doable and so worth it. If you ever have the means and opportunity, I highly recommend it. You will not just make a memory; you will make a thousand memories!

This concludes my Disney subject posts. Thank you for bearing with me while I got it all down on paper. Now we return to our regularly scheduled programming. That is...until...we go back to Disney in two weeks with my parents. Aaaack! What was I thinking?!?!

Wordless Wednesday: Disney Edition

2011-03-02T06:48:00.000-05:00

Day 1: Animal Kingdom

Breakfast with Mickey

Day 2: Magic Kingdom

Happy girls first thing in the morning

Does it get any better than this?

Day 3: Magic Kingdom #2

She didn't want a Mickey ears hat. She didn't want a Minnie ears headband.
What did she want? Mickey Antennae. And they light up.

One of the only pics of Lil' B out of the stroller. Holding Pascal from Tangled, waiting to see Rapunzel.

Day 4: Epcot

Miss H and Lil' B with their Biggish Cousins

Fairy houses.

Oh the Princesses!

I'm not tired, I'm not tired....

Where I've been: Disney World!

2011-02-28T07:00:00.001-05:00

Last Wednesday we packed up the car and the kids and went to Disney World in Orlando for a few days of family fun in the sun. My in-laws from Vermont came down with their two littles (although one is getting sort of biggish - when did that happen?)

We had four glorious beautiful days in the parks with animated characters, princesses, and pirates, Oh my! There were giggles over spinning teapots and meltdowns over dropped ice cream.

Mr. Rose and Miss H watch one of the performances at Cinderella's Castle - The Magic Kingdom

We walked, and carried, and stroller-pushed. We waited in lines and we waited some more. We rode and we watched and we clapped and we cheered.

Autographs were gathered and memories were made.

And now? Mama and Daddy are tired. There is so much more to write and share, but alas, that will have to wait for another day.

PYHO: Planning a big birthday party

2011-02-23T06:13:00.000-05:00

Birthdays are important to me. When I was growing up, I used to look forward to my birthday even more so than Christmas. My birthday was my day. The one day that I got all the attention and special favors from my family. It was, and still is, a day that I am reminded of just how much my family loves me.

Next month, Miss H will be turning four. She has been looking forward to this day since the day after her third birthday. Last year, the girls and I were staying with my parents while Mr. Rose was traveling. Not wanting to burden them any more than I already was, I suggested to Miss H that we have a party at Chick-Fil-A with a few of her preschool friends.

We invited five of her classmates and met everyone there. I bought a few kids meals, some cupcakes, and let them have at it. They played in the playspace, sang happy birthday, and opened presents. Easy, peasy.

Miss H and I at her Third Birthday Party

This year is different. This will be her last birthday in this town and I really want her to have a fun time with the friends she will be saying goodbye to in a few short months. We decided on a Candyland (her favorite new game) themed party and came up with a guest list of fifteen kids. Oh yes, you read that right. Fifteen.

At the time it sounded like a good idea. As I addressed the invitations last week, I panicked. What was I thinking? I'll have to clean my house and come up with something fun for these kids to do while they are here for two hours. Do I have the space in our house for this?

But when I really think about it, Miss H doesn't care. She just wants to have her friends over to play. I want her to make a memory of the friends that she had while we lived here. I want her to be happy and to have a birthday that she will remember. I want her to know that even though this party will be work for me, that I love her and that her happiness on this day and everyday is all that matters.

So, we'll get some balloons and a cake and decorate our house like Candyland. I'm sure everyone will have a great time and in the end the only thing that matters will be seeing the smile on my baby's face.

I'm linking up with Shell at Things I Can't Say for Pour Your Heart Out. Head on over there and check out some of the other links today!

Trying to squeeze in some Mommy time

2011-02-21T07:00:00.001-05:00

Saturday mornings are a glorious time. We sleep in as late as the girls will let us, and lounge around drinking coffee and eating breakfast. Around 10am we all head to our local YMCA where Miss H takes gymnastics.

For the one hour of her class, Lil' B goes to the nursery, Mr. Rose heads for the treadmill, and I take my post outside of gymnastics to watch Miss H. It is so nice to be able to sit by myself and read or write while I marvel at the cuteness of my daughter on the balance beam.

The past two Saturdays have been different though. Last Saturday the YMCA was jam packed with people. It is basketball season now, so vying for a seat on one of the benches out side of gymnastics is becoming so difficult that it should be its own Olympic sport. On top of that, there was a Valentine's Day members appreciation party occuring right in this same area that happens to be about 20 feet wide by 30 feet long.

Have I ever mentioned that I hate large crowds in small spaces? No? Well...I do.

Lucky for me there is an upstairs observation area for gymnastics, although with considerably less seating, but I headed up there anyway. It was definitely quieter so I stood watching out the window as Miss H did her jumping jacks and stretches in relative peace.

Until...it started.

Two women next to me started talking. And talking. And TALKING. The one was relating a story to the other and it seemed like she was just telling it over and over again with increasing amounts of adjectives, hyperboles, and volume. From what I could tell it seemed that someone had wronged her in some way. I kept standing there trying to block it out, but all I could hear in my head was, "The more you stir it, the more it STINKS!" Before I could embarrass myself by butting into their conversation, I headed back downstairs.

By this time, things had quieted down a bit and I managed to find a spot on one of the downstairs benches. I settled in and pulled out my book. Just as I was starting to read, it started. Again.

Two different chatty-cathys had taken a spot on a bench right in front of me. Same situation as before, different topic. I wanted to scream, "For crying out loud would you please keep it to yourself! Some of us are TRYING to enjoy the 1 hour of solitude we will have this weekend!!" Again, I tried to block it out and failed.

This weekend when we headed out I planned on trying to write a few blog posts for the coming week. There was no member appreciation party this weekend, so the crowd was much reduced from last week. I quickly found a seat and whipped out my notebook and pen. No sooner had I written the first sentence than a woman in front of me turned around and tried to start a conversation with me. I answered her politely and after each response bent my head back down to my notebook.

She kept talking and talking, and finally I gave up. I put my notebook away and admitted defeat. Saturday mornings at the YMCA are not the place for Mommy quiet time. Maybe next week I should actually exercise.

Mr. Rose's perspective on shoes: a special Guest Post by my husband

2011-02-16T07:00:00.001-05:00

Today, I am pleased to have my husband, Mr. Rose, guest posting. Some of you may know that I also have a private family blog, and on that blog Mr. Rose has been taking up my slack. The other day he posted this story and fifteen minutes later asked me if I had read it. The next day he asked me if anyone commented on it. Really? The only people who read that blog are my parents, my sister, his Dad, and a few of our close friends. Not a big audience and not really any commentors in the bunch.

I started to tease him a little bit. "You're getting the blogging bug! You're getting the blogging bug! What? You wrote something and nobody commented? Doesn't feel so good does it?" He quickly assured me that no, he was not getting the "blogging bug," and no he did not care if anyone commented, he was just curious.

Riiiiiiiight. So without further ado, I give you:

Shoes

I remember a time in my not-to-distant past when shoes did not play any significant role in my life. Sure, when I was a kid I wanted to ensure I had basketball shoes for basketball and cleats for soccer. When I was older, I wanted a nice pair of shoes or two for dressing up, but I never really thought more than a minute or two of any given day about shoes. Okay, maybe if my feet were hurting during a 25-mile roadmarch I'd think a bit more than a few minutes.

When first married, I experienced the perplexed wonderment of losing all my closet space to Erin's collection of shoes, but I got over that pretty quickly too. Now, however, shoes have taken over my life in a way I was never prepared for. See, shoes happen to be one of Lil' B's most favorite things in the whole world, second only to maybe dogs, birds, or "up!" Although, not her first word, it has probably been one of her most frequently used ones. For some reason, she loves shoes. Putting them on, taking them off, making sure you have them on, taking yours off, asking for them, pointing them out.... You know how persistent an 18 month old can be. "Shoes, Shoes, Shoes" is what we hear almost all day long. The good thing is, she knows how to put them on and off by herself already and I bet she'll be tying shoe strings in no time.

That said, having just adjusted to Lil' B's mannerisms, Erin brings home these:

The first shoes that Miss H has picked out on her own. My first thought was "OMG, what did you allow her to do?" They are pink, sequined, they have peace symbols, oh - and did I mention they light up whenever she takes a step. Hmmmm. Not exactly the nice brown or white (and conservative) shoes that she has owned up to now. My skeptical mood quickly transformed into happiness when I saw how proud Hannah was of her new shoes. So, once again I adjusted.

Then the other day, I learned that Miss H has also started to pick out all of her own clothes to get dressed now:

I think she pulled it off. What do you think?

Heaven only knows what the future holds......

So, what do you think? Does Mr. Rose need to have a regular slot here on Cultivating Rosebuds? Please do me a favor and show him some comment love.

Girls can be tough, too!

2011-02-15T07:00:00.001-05:00

It is no secret that my Rosebuds are princesses. They love to wear dresses with ribbons and bows and glass slippers. But every once in awhile they are in the mood for something different. Lil' B is obsessed with birds and animals of every kind. Miss H likes to point out fancy cars and motorcycles and construction equipment while we are driving. Dinosaur Train on PBS Kids is one of their favorite cartoons.

Have you ever tried to find a t-shirt for a Dino Diva? Or how about a "girlified" construction digger? I've never seen one...until now! One of my dearest friends Kathryn has a daughter, V, who loves some non-girly things, but she could never find cute clothes depicting these topics with girly colors like pink and purple. So she started her own online shop, Girlified Designs, to create t-shirts and onesies for "girly girls who like things a little tough."

Smiley Snake T-shirt

How adorable is that little cutie wearing her Smiley Snake shirt with pride! Kathryn also has designs with a Digger, a Dino Diva (my personal favorite), and Sporty Car. If you have a little lady in your life who would sport these designs with style and a little toughness, check out Kathryn's Girlified Designs.

Disclaimer: Kathryn is one of my best friends and we have known each other since 8th grade. We were in each other's weddings and see each other several times a year despite living 9 hours apart. She is an #ALLCAPSAWESOME friend, and an amazing mom. Given that, this review is my honest and open opinion of her store. I was gifted one shirt for each of my girls by Kathryn which you could consider compensation for this post or simply one friend being nice to another. Take it as you will. : )

Happy Valentine's Day to Me

2011-02-14T07:00:00.001-05:00

Saturday afternoon I drove to the mall to pick up some Valentine's Day goodies for the girls. After I picked out their gifts, I wandered into a clothing store. I found a couple of cute items and headed for the dressing room.

As I began to try on the clothes, I did not recognize the figure standing in front of me in the mirror. Saggy parts where there shouldn't be abounded. Parts that should be full and voluptuous simply withered. Needless to say, nothing fit right and I headed for the door.

Sunday I decided that I was going to do more decluttering and organizing, since that always seems to help me feel better. This time my objective was to clean out my closet. I resolved to give away anything that didn't fit or I had not worn in a year. I started with the dresses and tried each one on. Miss H thought it was fun to watch Mommy play dress up and with each dress she told me how beautiful or gorgeous I looked. That girl knows how to make her Mama smile.

I held nothing back. If it didn't fit and wasn't within one size of what I am currently wearing, out it went. I filled a huge box with clothes to donate and I have several fancy dresses that I am going to try to sell on consignment. But there are also LOTS of clothes that I know I can get into with a little work.

I know that I am never going to get back into the clothes that I was wearing before having kids. My body is just different. However, there is much room for improvement. I know what I need to do. I need to exercise. I need to get into the gym and actually do cardio, not just walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes reading my Nook. I need to get back to Body Pump and Yoga, and maybe even Zumba if nobody is watching.

This Valentine's Day I am reminding myself that I am important too. It is important for me to take care of myself so that I can take care of my family. I have to love myself, and loving myself means making sure that my body is fit and full of energy. Happy Valentine's Day, Erin. Now go get your booty to the gym!

Things I'm Loving Lately

2011-02-11T07:00:00.000-05:00

I thought I would write a short and sweet post about some things that I am loving lately. We are a little crazy here this week with a sick toddler, a sick mama, planning two Disney vacations and a trip for house-hunting. Here are the things that have been making it all a little bit happier:

1) Taylor Swift Radio on Pandora: In case you haven't heard of it, Pandora is free Internet radio with an unlimited number of radio stations. Right now in my account, I have Rob Thomas radio, Glee radio, and Taylor Swift Radio. When you pick a station, Pandora plays music similar in style and genre. For instance, with Taylor Swift Radio I get a very nice mix of country-pop crossover - everything from Carrie Underwood and Rascal Flatts to Colbie Caillat and Michelle Branch. Seriously, I'm digging it.

2) Miss H picking out her own clothes and getting dressed all. by. herself. 'Nough said.

3) Lil' B being obsessed with shoes.

4) My husband - he's a rock star in case you were wondering. (Not a for real rock star, a proverbial one, but a rock star none the less.)

5) Glee.

6) Twitter - Yes, I drank the Kool-aid and am now addicted to Twitter. It is so nice to be able to log on and be able to have a conversation with someone (or several someones) at any time of day. I am really enjoying getting to know some of the fabulous bloggers that I follow a little bit better with each tweet.

And that brings me to, Blog Boycott Day! My amazing awesome fabulous friend Liz at a belle, a bean, & a chicago dog dedicates the second Friday of every month to being an anti-blogging, pro-Twitter day. Instead of spending the day blog hopping, log onto Twitter instead and follow the hashtag #BlogBoycottDay. You can also Link-up on Liz's blog so that we know who is playing along. Come tweet with us and get to know some people better. But I have to warn you, it is addicting! So come on, all the #ALLCAPSAWESOME kids are doing it.....

Cleaning house and mom guilt, just say no

2011-02-09T07:30:00.003-05:00

My dear sweet newbie mom sister calls me up and asks me if I have a schedule for cleaning my house. Cleaning you say? What is that about? When I think of cleaning house, I think about mopping floors and scrubbing bathrooms two things that I have very little time for.

I am lucky if I can get the clean dishes emptied from the dishwasher and keep up with loading it back up with dirty dishes from the day. Lil' B makes both of these tasks a big challenge as she likes to pull knives out of the dishwasher. On an excellent day I am able to actually sweep my kitchen floor, as opposed to simply picking up the dropped food with a paper towel. I try to tidy and wipe down the bathroom during bathtime. We use the weekends for hard core cleaning and general straightening up.

After explaining all this to her she says, "But don't you feel guilty? I feel guilty when my husband comes home and the house isn't clean." My answer to her is no. My job all day long is taking care of my kids - feeding them, getting them dressed, changing the diapers, breaking up fights, taking them to playdates or outings. They occupy nearly all my time during the 13 hours a day that I am "at work." Anything else that I can actually get done around the house is gravy.

Her husband works from home, so I asked her when she worked before the baby was born and came home to find his lunch dishes all around the kitchen, did she think he felt guilty? NO, because he was WORKING and that is exactly what she is doing.

So what do you think? If you are a stay at home Mom, do you feel guilty if your husband comes home and the house isn't spic and span? If you work outside the home, do you think you would clean more than you do now?

If you are interested in following someone who is way funnier than I am, go check out my sister's blog Yellow Brick Road Mama and/or follow her on Twitter @emacmorton

My child's pacifier addiction and the lengths she goes to get her fix

2011-02-07T07:00:00.001-05:00

I know that I am not the first parent to have a child who is addicted to their pacifier. I was fortunate that Miss H never liked her paci, except that now she is a thumb sucker but that's a post for another day. Lil' B is another story. I have blogged about her need for the pacifier to get to sleep before, but now it is reaching the addiction stage.

Since her first birthday, we have strictly been enforcing the paci at nap/bedtime only rule. Every once in awhile when she is sick or teething, I will let her have it for a day or two, but I am always careful to get back to our old routine.

A couple of months ago I started giving her the pacifier during particularly messy diaper changes as a way to keep her hands and attention occupied. Now, instead of being an occasional treat, she has come to expect it with every diaper change. She runs to her room and excitedly stands next to her crib (that's where paci lives). She giggles and sort of jumps around saying, "Paci, paci, paci!" When I finally cave and let her have it, she puts it in her mouth and makes this little "mmm, mmm, mmm" sound, like she is so happy to be getting her "fix."

Now, she is getting tricky about it. Lil' B has always been good about letting me know when she needs a diaper change. One day last week she came up to me and said, "Poo-poos" and did the sign for diaper change. So, we went through the canipleasehavemypacimommyplease routine and I gave in.

Up on the changing table I undressed her to find that her diaper was dry. Completely dry. I looked at that little girl and said, "Lil' B......"

And she just laughed. Sucker.

Why can't we all just be friends?

2011-02-04T07:00:00.002-05:00

One of my favorite addictions is facebook (which I have actually been cheating on with Twitter lately but that is another story entirely.) I love connecting with old friends and being able to feel close to some of my friends who live far away. But something happened to me on facebook the other day that made me want to give it up entirely.

If you are friends with me on facebook, you are either someone I actually know in "real life" or know well enough "online" that I have requested or accepted your friendship. If you are friends with me on facebook, you have probably read my Info page and know that I am a Catholic right-leaning Republican. You also probably know that I don't *usually* post about polarizing political topics in my status updates. I believe that we are all entitled to our opinions and that we should be able to discuss and debate those opinions like adults, but *most* of the time, I do not engage the opposition.

Sometimes though, I feel inundated with leftist, liberal facebook statuses or posts. So much so that I start to feel attacked. And every once in a while, I cannot be quiet. I cannot let my voice be silent.

A facebook acquaintance posted something that riled me. I don't really want to get into what it was about here, it just went against one of my most passionate and core beliefs. I felt something rising up inside of me and I could not keep it in. I had to leave a comment. The problem was even bigger than the belief issue; he wrote, "Not trying to be political here..." and then proceeded to post a petition of Congress. How can a Congressional petition not be political? That doesn't make any sense.

So, I posted a rebuttal comment to his post with the sign off, "Not trying to be political? Yeah, right." A little while later I was still steaming about it and was curious as to how this person was going to respond to me.

He "Unfriended" me.

Now, this was not a person that I even remotely cared about keeping in touch with and probably should not have been friends with him on facebook in the first place, but it still stung. Did he just unfriend me because I voiced a dissenting opinion or because I called him out for politicking on facebook? Regardless, I know I am better off with him out of my News feed. But I still considered, for a half a second, saying goodbye to facebook and never looking back.

After that I took a good long hard look at who were my "Friends" on facebook and purged out the ones that really didn't need to be there. It was incredibly cleansing and I highly recommend it. Just don't unfriend me, okay? Not without saying goodbye!

Pour Your Heart Out: Unintentional Stay-at-home Mom

2011-02-02T07:00:00.001-05:00

Do you ever wonder if you have made the right choice?

I struck up a conversation with another mom of two young children at the playground yesterday. As we were chatting, she mentioned that she was getting ready to go back to work next month. That, as much as she loved her children and being a mom, she still felt unfulfilled and really needed to get back to her career.

Ouch.

Some days I wonder if staying at home with the kids is the right choice for me. I love my girls, but day in and day out of constant contact with them seems to be taking its toll on me. I have written before that I am an unintentional stay-at-home Mom. I always pictured myself as a work-outside-the-home Mom, but circumstances as they are have led me here.

Sometimes I think, how green is the grass over there at the house with two working parents? Is there more stress from Mom being at work all day, or less from Mom and kids having some space from each other? Because some days, I swear my kids need a break from me as much as I need one from them.

Even as frustrating as the day-to-day minute-by-minute struggles of being a stay-at-home Mom can be, I just can't imagine leaving my kids all day long with someone else. My dream would be to be able to have some very fulfilling, low stress, part time job where I could work from Panera a couple of times a week and take a short trip every now and then. Oh wait, I have that job. It's called Blogging. Except that I'm not getting paid for it. I'll have to work on that....

Linking up with Shell from Things I Can't Say for Pour Your Heart Out.

Being brave at BlissDom

2011-01-31T07:00:00.005-05:00

Last week, I leapt out of my comfort zone and headed to my first blogging conference, BlissDom 2011, in Nashville. As I mentioned in my pre-conference post, I was terrified. Thankfully, I had some great friends step up and ~~hold my hand~~ help me have a great time. Here's how it all went down.

I got off the airplane in Nashville feeling alone, inadequate and scared. My first order of business was to meet up with Shell from Things I Can't Say and grab a taxi over to the Opryland Hotel. Would she like me? What if I say something ridiculous? Am I going to embarrass myself? If you are wondering, Shell is every bit as cute, kind, and honest in person as she is on her blog, and I was worrying needlessly.

Once at the hotel, I quickly met up with some other fabulous bloggers like Ashley from Just Another Mom of 2, Erin Margolin, Liz from a belle, a bean, & a chicago dog, and KLZ from Taming Insanity. Still, that first evening, I was feeling reserved and could barely talk to anyone.

The first full day of the conference I felt an internal turmoil. Why am I here? These people are all talking about how bloggers are pioneers, are courageous, and are changing the world. I did not feel that way about myself.

{Bliss is possible only when we are courageous, telling our stories with our whole heart. ~Brene Brown, opening Keynote Speaker, BlissDom 2011}

Maybe it is because I haven't been honest with myself. I haven't been an open book on my blog. I have felt that there were certain things that I couldn't write about. I have not been myself on my blog; what the heck is that about? If I can't be myself in that space, why did I think I could be myself at a blog conference.

Slowly, I began to open up and start talking, start connecting. I talked about my husband's job and about what binds my family together. And all of a sudden, I felt free. I cut the ties that were binding my hands behind my back.

{Connection gives our lives purpose and meaning. ~Brene Brown}

The second day of the conference was better. I felt real connections being formed. I told stories and laughed with some amazing women. I listened to the closing keynote address by Scott Stratten (AH-Mazing!) and I laughed so hard I cried.

And then, the defining moment of BlissDom happened for me. At the end of Scott's talk, this really loud music started. The organizers were startled and had no idea what was going on. All of a sudden, this big group of attendees at the front of the room got up and started dancing to Miley Cyrus's Party in the USA. I knew immediately what was going on: Flash Mob.

I stood up and started dancing. Liz grabbed me and we ran up and joined the group. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my entire life. I didn't know the steps, I learned them as I went along. I didn't know the other dancers, but I connected with them in something that was bigger than all of us.

I could not believe that I was up there. I laughed and was proud of myself for playing along. I knew I may never have another chance to dance with a flash mob and now I can say that I have done it.

I was brave. I put myself out there. And now I am stronger for it. Going forward I am going to be brave. I am going to put myself out there. And I will be stronger for it. That is my BlissDom take-away.

For a video of me and the BlissDom 2011 Flash Mob, click here. This is not the best video of the whole mob, but the only one where I could see myself. Leave me a comment if you think you can point me out. You can see a better video of the whole mob here.

Organizing and purging feels so good

2011-01-23T20:07:00.001-05:00

Last week I came to a very big realization. We are moving in just about four months. Four months?!?! That seems like no time at all. And a fire was suddenly lit under my behind.

I. Must. Organize. Our. Stuff.

I used to consider myself an organized, neat, and tidy person. But after having two kids, I just can't seem to keep up with the clutter. And the...stuff. My upstairs bonus room has become a dumping ground. If I have things that need to get put away, they get dumped up there with an "I'll get to it someday" label.

Someday is here, folks.

I got to work on the mess upstairs first. I sorted clothes that the girls have outgrown in order to determine what should be kept, consigned, or tossed. I separated out all the infant baby toys to be stored. I created piles for baby blankets, swaddlers, and sleep sacks. I purchased some new Tupperware storage containers yesterday and am working on getting all this stuff put away. {Sidenote - I began this task with the idea that I was going to pare down the plethora of little baby girl clothes that we are keeping. I just couldn't do it. There is nothing like being faced with the task of getting rid of baby clothes to make you realize that you, in fact, are not done having kids.}

Next, I turned to Miss H's room, specifically her closet. I pulled about 20 pairs of shoes out of there that aren't anywhere near her size anymore. We organized the toys and books, and what do you know, you can actually see her floor! Lil B's room got a once over as well, but she just doesn't have as much stuff.

On Friday, my Tupperware order arrived so I quickly got to work on my pantry. I knew it was time because whenever I opened the pantry door I was showered with snack boxes and arts and crafts materials raining down on me. I filled three shoebox size containers with crayons, markers, and dot paints. I filed away the completed coloring books and threw away those that were tattered and torn.

After the rest of the pantry had been sorted, purged, and reshelved, I tackled the refrigerator. Not just organizing there, but cleaning and scrubbing the shelves.

Today, while I laid on the couch sick with a cold, my wonderful husband worked on the kitchen some more. And y'all? It shines like the top of the Chrysler Building. He not only cleared the clutter off of our other dumping ground "The Bar Counter" but he also cleaned it.

It is so amazing to me what a clean and organized house will do for a woman's soul. All that junk and gunk was cluttering me up on the inside too, and even though I am sick with literal junk and gunk at the moment, I have a sense of clarity that I have not had in a long time. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Do you have any dumping grounds in your house? Why don't you set a timer for 15 minutes, go clear it out, and see how you feel? I promise you'll feel better!

Erin

Talk or walk? Which is the right thing?

2011-01-20T14:13:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I took the girls to one of our local play centers, which is owned by someone I know. We have been there before and I have always gotten along well with the owners and felt very welcome there. This play center is a new business owned by two young mothers, so I like to go there every once in awhile to support them even though it is a nearly 30 minute drive for me to get there.

I have always had a good experience whenever I have been there in the past, but yesterday was different. There was just a weird vibe going on. The owner was sitting at a table with three other moms talking and gossiping and seeming very exclusionary to the rest of us who were visiting. Then, the owner started talking about her sister's personal business (read: drama) with all of us. And on top of everything else, she was constantly complaining about having hurt her back that morning. The two times that I had a direct conversation with her, she ended up essentially insulting my intelligence: "That's crazy talk" and "And you told her (Lil' B) that getting up at 5:45am was okay?"

So, I don't know what to do now. This is a woman with whom I have tried to help with the marketing side of her business. I have brainstormed and written press releases for her. I have honestly been a huge advocate of this place, and today I am feeling unwelcome there. I had a pass for 6 visits of play, and that pass was fulfilled yesterday. We are in fact moving in just over four months, so I think we'll just avoid going during the spring.

I feel bad though. I truly want her business to succeed, and I feel like I owe it to her to give her my feedback. But I hate confrontations, and I don't want it to sound like, "You hurt my feelings, so apologize." Don't get me wrong, an apology would be nice, but I am more concerned about the other patrons of this play center feeling the way that I am right now, and not going back.

So, what do you think I should do? Talk or walk?

Erin

Trying something new: Zumba!

2011-01-16T19:53:00.001-05:00

For the past couple of weeks, I have been meeting my New Year's goal of working out at the gym at least twice a week. I normally do my standard 30 minutes of cardio on an elliptical machine or treadmill, and then I try to do a 1 hour Body Pump class. If you aren't familiar with it, Body Pump is essentially a 1 hour weight lifting class. You get a weight bar with varying amount of weight on it to match your level of fitness. Basically, I can control the amount of pain that I put myself in and there is no fancy footwork ~~to make me look like an idiot~~ show how uncoordinated I am.

Last week a friend of mine suggested we try a Body Sculpt class. I was a little hesitant because I like to stick with the devil I know. Trying a new class could either be REALLY good or REALLY bad. But, I decided to give it a shot. It was more or less the same as Body Pump, except you use dumbells and resistance bands instead of the big weight bar.

Having tried a new class and liked it, I thought, ooooh, maybe I should try something else new. I have really been interested in trying that Zumba (zoooom-ba) class. Have you heard of it? It's Latin Dance meets Aerobics (neither of which I am very good at). So Saturday morning, I gave it a shot. When I walked in the instructor said, "I hope you're not shy! You can't be shy in this class. If you get lost just march in place, jiggle your hips, and smile!"

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

I was a complete and total disaster.

Well, okay, if I give myself some credit, I did moderately well for the first half of class. But there were a lot of Samba and Mambo dance steps, along with a lot of Hootin' and Hollerin'. Literally, when she pulled out the combination with a "Woot, Holla!" shouted at various points, I thought I am not in Kansas any more! The second half of class, my brain was pumping all available oxygen left in my body to my extremities, so my thought processes and coordination suffered. I was flailing all around like a beached whale (again, literally.) I was shaking and popping and looking like a dang fool.

In my mind I was picturing myself on the stage at the So You Think You Can Dance auditions. Nigel looks up from his desk, takes off his glasses and inquires, "So, you've had No Formal Instruction? I would NEVER have guessed that!"

Was it fun? Yes. Was it hard? Totally. Will I go back? The jury is still out. Will I be busting out some sweet Latin dance moves at Blissdom? Definitely not.

Holla!

Erin

The power of small moments

2011-01-13T07:06:00.001-05:00

Yesterday in my Bible study, I read about the power of small things that have big consequences. Our days are a series of small moments, some happy, some frustrating, some sad, some joyful, some just downright depressing. So I started thinking - what are the small moments throughout my day that make me happy?

Getting up early to take a shower and get dressed - in silence.
Spending my first few moments awake studying God's Word.
Good morning hugs and snuggles from my girls.
Hearing the coffee brew and waiting with anticipation for it to be done. Then, taking the first sip.
Singing singing along with the radio with Miss H on the way to school.
Watching the girls talk to and play with each other.
Discovering that Lil' B knows a new word.
Reading to my girls and finding that Miss H is reading right along with me.
Getting Lil' B to eat something new (and full of calories!)
Connecting with friends on Twitter and Facebook.
Making new friends on Twitter and discovering new blogs.
Naptime.
Being silly and making the girls laugh.
The moment when my husband comes walking through the door and two little pairs of feet run through the hallway calling, "Daddy! Dada!" Melts my heart every time.
Toasting Lil' B's sippy cup with my water glass at her insistence, "Cheers!"
Helping a friend.
Talking to my sister.
Relaxing with my husband.
Bedtime.

Motherhood is full of drudgery: laundry, dishes, diaper changes, cleaning. Oftentimes, I lose sight of the little moments throughout my day that fill my heart with joy. Simply by reflecting on this and identifying some of those moments, I feel renewed and full of love.

What are some of your happy moments? I hope your day is filled with them!

Erin

Stepping (no, leaping) out of my comfort zone

2011-01-10T07:00:00.001-05:00

At the end of this month I am preparing to take a huge leap out of my comfort zone. I will be attending Blissdom with a few hundred amazing bloggers. And that is my problem. I do not consider myself amazing. I'm just me and my little blog.

I know that everyone says how fun blogging conferences are and how much you learn and how many great people you get to meet. I am so excited about it and yet, I want to throw up all at the same time. I feel like I am about to go to my first day of school in a brand new town where I only know a couple of people.

So why am I even going? I need a kick in the pants, that's why. I need to get back on my blogging game and I think that attending Blissdom will help light the fire in my belly for blogging again.

I am not an outgoing person. My husband will tell you that I am lying when I say that, but it's true. I have a hard time going up to a random stranger and starting a conversation. So, if you are going to Blissdom and see me walking around by myself, will you please come over and say hi? I promise I won't be a total dork (at first, anyway!)

Erin

Adventures in diaper changes

2011-01-06T08:00:00.000-05:00

Do you ever change your kid's diaper and think what in the world did they eat that could make that foulness? I had a diaper mystery this week that I'm sure plenty of other moms out there can relate to, but it totally freaked me out.

Tuesday morning I headed to the gym (YAY!) for my morning workout. Miss H was at school and I dropped Lil' B at the nursery. She was especially unhappy about being left this particular morning, but I let them know where I would be and to come get me if anything happened. After my workout, I picked her up and the babysitter told me that she had changed her diaper. She said, "You might want to check it. I'm not sure if I got it all the way clean. And...it was green."

I took her straight to the locker room to check the diaper, got her cleaned up a bit more and then noticed that her bottom appeared to have been stained green, like with green food coloring. I racked my brain for anything she could have eaten over the past few days that would have had green dye or food coloring in it. Nada. It was so weird.

Fast forward to bathtime. Lil' B is happily playing in the water while I clean up the bathroom. All of a sudden she looks up at me and gives me the dreaded cry, "Poo poos!, Poo poos!" Oh yeah baby, she totally pooed in the bathtub.

And it is green. Like Kermit the Frog green. And I have finally figured out the culprit of the green poo.

Source

Yes, my kid is the kid who eats play-doh. Gross amounts of play-doh, apparently, as evidenced by the amount of green poo in my bathtub. How in the world could she have eaten that much? Was there a play-doh buffet at the nursery at church on Sunday? Literally, the amount of play-doh that I saw was enough to fill her entire mouth, plus whatever was in the diaper change in the morning. I can just picture her stealing a jar of play-doh and hiding in the corner eating away at it. Yuck!

Getting inside the mind of a three year old

2011-01-04T08:06:00.001-05:00

My dear sweet three (and three quarters!) year old loves Christmas. She carries the spirit of Christmas around with her wherever she goes. Over the last month, she has begged to listen to "her" Christmas CD in the car and to watch Christmas specials on ABC Family every night.

Christmas morning was spectacular. She was so excited that Santa came and brought her just what she always wanted. We basked in the post-Christmas glow for a week, and then yesterday my husband and I told her that it was time to take down the tree.

And she bawled. "But I don't want to put it awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" Big fat tears ran down her little face. I could hardly take it. She fought me as I tried to put her nativity set in its box, crying all the while.

Mr. Rose finally took her back to our bedroom to have a chat. When they came out, she was fine. What in the world could he have said to her? "She thought we were taking Christmas away, and that it was over forever." Poor girl, she thought we were never going to have Christmas again!

Today she mentioned that it was nice to have our house "regular" again. But is she still singing Christmas carols? Yes, ma'am!

How did your kids react to taking the Christmas decorations down? I'd love to hear!

2010 Resolutions Review

2010-12-29T07:10:00.001-05:00

How in the world did it get to be December 29th already? This year, even when it seemed to be dragging, has absolutely flown by me. I took a minute to look back at some of my posts from last December, and to revisit the New Year's Resolutions I made in January. Let's review, shall we?

Run a 5K by my birthday (March 30)<--- Didn't happen
- And really, what was I thinking? I hate, no - abhor, running, so what made me think that I could hop on a treadmill three times a week and somehow love it?
Learn how to use my new sewing machine<---Success!
- I did learn how to use my sewing machine, even if it was only a rudimentary knowledge.
Make something with my new sewing skills<---Success!
- This year I actually sewed my sister a Storytime Tote Blanket for her Christmas present. I can't believe how much I've learned and I can't wait to do more!
Read one book for leisure per month<---Success!
- According to my Goodreads count, I read 12 books in 2010! Definitely an improvement over last year, and I am going to have to up my game for 2011.
Spend more time studying Sacred Scripture and in quiet prayer<---Not as much as I would have liked.
Make homemade baby food for Baby B<----Success
- What with the feeding and growth issues, I did make homemade baby food for Lil' B, if only to add baby fatteners like butter and flax oil. I didn't exclusively make her food, but I made a lot of it.
Increase my presence in the blogosphere<----Sort of.
- This year has been and up and down blog year for me. I started out strong, but wavered over the summer. I have started coming back over the fall and am looking forward to a reemergence in 2011!

Those were some of my goals for 2010, but my main resolution was for Balance and Flexibility. I'm going to give myself a satisfactory overall grade here. I failed miserably with the whole Balance thing this year. I keep falling back into my old habits of spending all my time on one of my goals, that I forget to balance my life with all the other hobbies that I enjoy. Where I recovered a bit is when I realized that I can't do it all. I cut myself some slack and gave up some things, one of which was being a frequent blogger. And that is okay.

So, I claim 2011 as my do-over. That's right, we're going for Balance and Flexibility all over again. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again, right? Some of my detailed goals are:

Bible Study - This goal should have been on the top of the list last year. I need to spend a few quiet minutes every morning reading a devotional and doing some Scripture study.
Marriage - With Mr. Rose traveling as much as he was last year, we really didn't get as much alone time as I would like. So, next year, we are going to focus on going on at least one date a month.
Exercise - I must go to the gym AT LEAST twice a week. I really want to go three times a week, but we're going for balance and flexibility here people. If I get there three times a week, groovy.
Saving - My newest and latest thing is coupons. My husband has always been a coupon clipper, but I haven't really embraced the whole, use a coupon thing. But seriously, those things can save you a ton of money if you know how to use them. So, I resolve to be a coupon clipper and user.
Blogging - three times a week. I am going to be working on my writing this year, and using this blog as my outlet. Blog Visiting and commenting, one to two times per week. PS - if you have a Facebook page, let me know. I'm a facebook fanatic and I'm finding that when blogs that I "like" on facebook show up in my news feed, I am more able to check them out.
Reading - I'm going to go for 18 books next year. That's a 50% increase over this year, so it will be a challenge, but I think I'm up for it.
Sewing - I want to take a couple of sewing classes this year and try to make some clothes for the girls.

So what do you think? Are balance and flexibility going to be my friends in 2010? Here's hoping!

Erin

Christmas weekend review

2010-12-27T06:58:00.001-05:00

I can't believe Christmas has come and gone already. Our little family unit had a wonderful Christmas weekend.

We celebrated a little bit backwards this year. Usually we go to Christmas Eve Mass and then open presents and have our big Christmas feast on Christmas Day. This year, the Christmas Eve Family Mass was scheduled for 4pm, meaning show up at 3pm. Lil' B's naptime is usually from 1 to 3 in the afternoon, so we didn't think we could make 4 o'clock mass happen.

So we didn't. Instead, I cooked our Christmas feast of ham, green bean casserole, and sweet potatoes on Christmas Eve. I got the girls in their pajamas and we drove around looking at Christmas lights for awhile. Then we came home and watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. It was really quiet and cozy.

After Miss H finally fell asleep, Mr. Rose and I put out all the gifts. I could barely sleep because I was so excited for Christmas morning. I felt like a kid again. And not because I was really interested in getting any particular present. It was because I knew the girls were going to be so excited and so fun to watch.

Christmas morning we were up and in full present opening mode by about 7am. Miss H was so cute. She is able to recognize her name and B's name on the gift tags so she was handing presents out left and right. After opening the first few gifts, Lil' B got into it and just randomly started opening presents. It was so funny! Watching the two of them open presents was really the best Christmas present for me.

We managed to get all the presents unwrapped and get dressed and ready for Church on time. I really enjoyed going to Mass on Christmas Day as opposed to Christmas Eve. It definitely helped me keep the focus (with myself and with the kids) of Christmas on Jesus.

The rest of Christmas weekend was filled with eating leftovers, playing with new toys, and an occasional meltdown or two. It was a great family togetherness weekend even if it was just the four of us. I did miss seeing the rest of our family, but that's nothing that skype can't handle!

There were a couple of funny whoops moments. Thursday night Mr. Rose was making his first attempt to recreate his Mom's Chocolate Mint Roll, chocolate cake with peppermint filling rolled into a log. Everything was going well until he tried to put it in the oven, he tipped the pan slightly and half of it spilled out onto the oven door. Whoops! (He did eventually get it made and it was delicious!)

The next morning (Christmas Eve), we decided to run the oven self-cleaner to try to bake off the remaining cake roll. About 15 minutes into it, the smoke detectors starting alarming and we couldn't get them off! We were all still in our pajamas, but I loaded the girls up in the car and drove over to pick up donuts and coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. Mr. Rose was able to clear the smoke out of the house while we were gone. Crisis averted!

Phew, what a weekend! It was fun, it was a whirlwind, but I could not have imagined a better way to celebrate.

Merry Christmas friends!

Erin

HoHoHolidaySwap post: Behind Door #1

2010-12-22T06:30:00.001-05:00

Today I am participating in HoHoHolidaySwap blog posts with a fantastic group of bloggers. You will find my post over at Keeper of the Penguins, and here on my blog I am thrilled to have Liz from a belle, a bean, & a chicago dog guest posting about one of her favorite holiday memories. Liz is not only one of my favorite bloggers, but she is a sweetie to boot and I can't wait to meet her at Blissdom!
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One of my most favorite holiday memories is actually a new tradition that was started by a friend of ours.

When we announced in early December 2006 that we would soon be embarking on our second interstate relocation by moving from Memphis, TN, to Nashua, NH, our friend, Carla, came up with a brilliant and sweet idea.

She didn't initially tell us of her plan, but just before Christmas, she stopped by our house with a wrapped gift.

It was kind of heavy and perfectly square.

I had no idea what it could be.

As we were opening it, she told us, "Because our kids won't be able to grow up together, I thought it would be nice for them to have this special tradition."

Under the ribbons and paper was a wooden Advent box, with special goodies hiding behind every door.

She had filled it for our Kate, and she wanted us to bring it to New Hampshire, fill it for Christmas 2007 and ship it back to her for her son to open.

This box has been traded 4 times now, and has seen the wear and tear of 2 relocations and 4 kids. In fact, if you look closely enough, you'll be able to see missing handles and "well-loved" doors.

We moved back to Memphis in August 2008 and into the neighborhood next to Carla. Even though we live close to one another again, the Advent box tradition continues. This year we are the ones uncovering a new treasure every morning. My girls look forward to it, and I can't wait for them to help me fill it for Carla's boys next Christmas.

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Isn't that a cute story? I love how they pass it back and forth every year! Looking for more from the HoHoHolidaySwap? Check out the linky below and don't forget to go read my post over at Keeper of the Penguins!

Playing Santa

2010-12-20T06:30:00.001-05:00

This year is Miss H's first year of really getting the whole Santa thing. She knows all the words to "Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town," and she sings it with gusto. She asks me every day if she is on the good list or the naughty list.

As such, my husband and I have really had to up our Santa game. We had her create her own letter to Santa with pictures cut out from magazines. He and I have been having conversations about shopping for gifts in the evenings after the girls go to bed. We have each done our share of secret "Santa" shopping trips. Last night, we wrapped Santa's gifts in special Santa wrapping paper.

All of this "Playing Santa" really got me thinking about my childhood. My parents always made sure that our Christmases were wonderful and magical. I am ashamed to admit that I believed in Santa far longer than most kids (5th grade!) because my parents did such a good job creating the mystery of Santa and keeping the secret.

How did they do it? Did they sit together on winter evenings like my husband and I discussing which gifts to purchase? When did they buy the presents? Where did they hide them?

Now that I am a parent, every day gives me a different experience that brings me closer to my parents than ever. It makes me appreciate them so much more than I ever did then. How could I have known then how much they did for us? Only now does it become clear. I can only hope to be as good at this as they are.

Erin

Snap back to reality

2010-12-16T15:02:00.001-05:00

On Monday, I wrote about how I wasn't feeling the Christmas spirit. A lot of my readers commented about how they are the same: overwhelmed, stressed, tired. I was really down in the dumps, and kind of feeling sorry for myself.

Later that morning, my husband called me from work with good news. Really, REALLY, good news. The kind of news that lifted a huge weight off my chest that I hadn't realized was there until it was gone. I felt light, and free, and for the first time in awhile, truly happy.

Monday afternoon, Tuesday, and Wednesday passed with me singing Christmas carols to myself or with the Rosebuds, doing online Christmas shopping, and getting the Christmas cards mailed out. I was feeling great.

Then I got the call. It was my sister calling to tell me that my parents were rushing my younger brother to the Emergency Room. He had been sick all day and towards the evening began vomiting blood.

At the hospital there was more blood, an endoscopy, and the diagnosis that he had torn his esophogus and was bleeding into his stomach. Heavily. The tear was repaired, the bleeding stopped, and he has been carefully watched in the Intensive Care Unit since then.

Living nine hours away, I have never felt more helpless. I prayed for my brother and for my parents who I know must have been terrified. Thankfully, my brother is doing much better today, but this whole experience has made me realize (again) what is really important in life - family.

As I move foward, I am still feeling happy about Christmas, but have been sobered by my brother's illness. There is concern for him in my head, but I have a peace in my heart that tells me he will be okay. We will all be okay.

Erin

Feelin' the Christmas spirit

2010-12-13T06:54:00.001-05:00

The first two weeks of December have flown by for me. While I have been seeing my neighbors' Christmas decorations, listening to Christmas music on the radio, and drinking Peppermint Mochas from Starbucks, I just haven't been into it.

I remember feeling like this last Christmas. I was having trouble finding the joy that Christmas usually brings me. I am a Christmas person; I love everything about it and I look forward to it every year.

Last Christmas was overshadowed by Mr. Rose's preparations for his 4 month trip, so I can understand why I was a little down then. But I have no idea what the problem is now.

A little part of it may be because I feel so overwhelmed by everything I need to do. Over the weekend, I made some progress with the Christmas shopping and writing Christmas cards. We also got our tree up and decorated our house.

But I still feel an immense weight on my shoulders from all the unfinished tasks. I made a list last night to help me keep track of everything, but that list keeps getting longer and not shorter.

So that's it - I have got to cut some things out. There will be some items on my to-do list that are not going to get done before Christmas. I just have to figure out what they are!

How are you feeling this Christmas? Overwhelmed and stressed? Or happy and peaceful?

Erin

Yesterday's Funnies

2010-12-09T06:54:00.001-05:00

Yesterday a friend and I took our kids to our local children's museum. After lunch, we took a collective potty-break before resuming play. Miss H decided she wanted to go into the Family Restroom with her BFF, so I headed into the public restroom with Lil' B in the stroller.

After using the restroom myself, I proceeded to change Lil' B's diaper. I turned around upon hearing the restroom door open to see a man walk in to the restroom. I was about to say, "Hey Mister, you're in the Ladies Room," until I realized that he had walked straight to a urinal, and proceeded to relieve himself all with no knowledge of my presence behind him.

Utter and total mortification. I, in fact, was in the Men's Room.

Lil' B kept trying to talk to me, but I refused to utter a peep. I kept my back turned to him so that when he turned to leave, he would not see my complete embarrassment. But then I thought, "Oh no! He's going to have to walk over here to wash his hands!"

I don't know if he was just as embarrassed as I was or what, but he didn't wash his hands! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!

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A few hours later, I headed to the grocery store with the Rosebuds. I only needed a couple of items, so we were in and out of there in 15 minutes. Even so, Lil' B was refusing to sit in the cart and Miss H was raising a ruckus of epic proportion. Needless to say, I was flustered and off my game when I reached my car with three bags of groceries.

I hastily opened the door to my trunk when Miss H says, "Mommy, what is dat?" In my haste, I had forgotten the Play-Doh playset that Santa was hiding in my trunk.

"That? That's nothing." I replied.

"Oooooh, I know what dat is! It's Play-Doh. I want to play wit dat later." Doh!

"Miss H, that is not for you. It is a birthday gift for someone at Daddy's work." Bad Mommy!

"But den I will never play wit dat again!"

"Well, if you would like something like that for Christmas, we'll just have to put it on your list for Santa, won't we?"

Her eyes lit up like Christmas morning. "Yes, Mommy! Dat is a great idea!"

Crisis averted.

Lost amid the snow

2010-12-06T13:32:00.001-05:00

It is the day after Christmas. She looks up from the base of the mountain. She waits in line with others like her, others who are looking to get away from it all. Away from the lights, the noise, the paper, the toys.

Soon, it is her turn. With a clunk and a whirl, she is off. Up, up, up.

Above her is the bluest blue sky she has ever seen. Below her is a myriad of evergreen trees, coated in white fluffy snow.

At the top, she glides off the lift on skis that swoosh and slide through the six inches of powder that coats the mountain. She takes a moment to get herself together, and then looks around.

Although there are many others there with her, she feels all alone. Alone to marvel at the beauty of the scene, to rejoice in the silence.

She skis down the mountain with only her thoughts and the snow to keep her company. It is a peace that she didn't know could exist amidst the hustle and bustle of the holidays. The constant swish, swoosh, swish, swoosh, is hypnotic.

At the end of the day she is tired and sore, but rested and rejuvenated nonetheless. Now, she is ready to head back to the hustle and bustle. Merry Christmas, indeed.

Erin

Mama Rosebud's Christmas wish list

2010-12-05T10:58:00.001-05:00

Dear Santa,

I'm sure you must be busy overseeing the construction of toys, the development of the Naughty vs Nice list, and the nurturing of your reindeer, but I thought I would send you a short note to put in a good word for myself.

There are only a few things that I want to suggest that you put under the tree for me this year. By all means, use your best Santa Claus judgement as these are mere suggestions.

For the stocking, how about the Bare Minerals Fabulous Eyecolor Palette in Plum Perfect? I love my Bare Minerals make-up and this would be perfect for the times when I feel like looking a little extra glamorous in my Mom-jeans and sweater.

Next, these super-soft Victoria Secret lace trimmed modal pajamas would really help me unwind at the end of a long day with the Rosebuds. I can totally see myself cozied up in bed wearing these, sipping a glass of wine, and reading this:

Oh yeah baby, the grand finale - the new Nookcolor. I have really been itching for a new toy. And honestly, I think I deserve it. I have been a great wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend this year, which was a particularly trying year for me.

Also, I have it on good authority that there will be some delicious treats awaiting you and the reindeer when you stop here this year.

And if it isn't too much trouble, do you think you could leave something for Mr. Rose and the Rosebuds, too? I wouldn't want to be the only one opening gifts on Christmas morning! Just sayin'.

Merry Christmas!

Erin

A picture is worth a thousand words

2010-12-03T14:28:00.001-05:00

I am a huge fan of having pictures taken of my kids. Most of the time, the photos that I take aren't worth a darn. Hence, I usually let the professionals take them. As the end of the year approaches, I generally have lots of adorable images of the Rosebuds taking up space on my hard drive.

What to do with all those precious images?

It's time to share them, of course! And what better way to do that than with one of the hundreds of Christmas photo card options from Shutterfly. I have been perusing their site and drafting several different Christmas card options, and I am so impressed with how easy it is to use. Uploading photos is a cinch and you can refine your product search options by number of photos, format, size, paper type, and colors. Seriously, the hardest part of this whole process is deciding which of their designs to use for our 2010 Christmas Card.

Our Christmas cards usually look better in my head than when I actually design them, but I can't go wrong with the beautiful options from Shutterfly. I love this classy design with the monogram:

Shutterfly also has a plethora of Happy Holiday photo cards for those who don't celebrate Christmas. These are a nice option for us because we have several friends on our card list who celebrate Hanukkah.

Wait, there's more!

My parents are the kind of people who, if they want something, they buy it themselves. My mother flat out told me not to buy her clothes because she likes to pick them out and try them on before buying. All of this makes Christmas shopping more difficult. What do you buy the people who either have everything or want to buy it themselves? How about a personalized 2011 calendar with images of their beautiful grandchildren on it? Perfect! Shutterfly has a wide variety of wall or desk calendars for me to add my own photos and even all our birthdays and anniversaries. The best part? Shutterfly will remember those dates which makes creating future calendars even easier. Score!

I am so excited to show these products from Shutterfly to you. I honestly don't know what I have done in years past without them!

Happy Holidays!

Erin

Shutterfly has generously offered me 50 free Christmas photo cards in exchange for this blog post.

Pour Your Heart Out: A Sigh of Relief

2010-12-01T07:00:00.001-05:00

It is no secret that Lil' B has been my "difficult" baby. She was a colicky infant who did not sleep well until she was 10 months old. Now at 16 months, she still does not sleep through the night every night.

Lil' B also had a hard time starting solid foods and is now an extremely picky eater. She is into carbs and butter (can I blame her?), but is only patient enough to sit in her high chair for 5 minutes at a time. Hence, there is very little actual eating going on around here.

As far as her weight goes, she has not been on the traditional growth charts for some time now. She is on her own curve below the zero percentile. Last month at her 15 month well check, B did not gain any weight, not even an ounce, in the three months since her 12 month visit.

My normally patient and understanding pediatrician came into our room with a worried look on her face. She started talking about allergy testing, specialist referrals, and endoscopies. "But first, let's try PediaSure. Come back in four weeks, and if she still hasn't gained, it's time for the next step."

I was terrified and cried right there in her office. I did not want to submit my child to a wild goose chase of tests and procedures when all other indicators of her health and development are normal or above normal.

So began the month of November. Every meal and snack was anxiety ridden. Every uneaten bite left on her tray frustrated and worried me. I felt like I was holding my breath the entire month.

Thankfully, she took to the PediaSure, which is God's gift to slow weight gainers, like a champ. I knew that the PediaSure was our only hope.

Yesterday, I took Lil' B for her weight check, and it was good news. Little miss gained a whole pound in a month! She's still not on the traditional growth curve, but she is back on track.

And Mama breathes a huge sigh of relief.

This post is Linked Up with Shell's Pour Your Heart Out meme at Things I Can't Say.

It is quiet

2010-11-28T14:02:00.000-05:00

I am sitting on the couch at my parents' house in South Carolina. The same couch where I sat for much of the first four months of this year. But this moment is different. It is quiet in the house at this moment.

Today we celebrated the Baptism of my young nephew, my sister's first born child. It has been a whirlwind weekend. First the long drive, then visiting with old friends and family. Throw in Thanksgiving, a couple of people with a stomach bug, watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and the Baptism celebration and you have got two tired parents and two exhausted Rosebuds.

I have not had much time to check email or to blog in the past week or so. It has actually been really refreshing to step back from the computer and to just live my life. Mr. Rose finished his travel assignment just before Thanksgiving, so we have been having some great family time.

But now, I am sitting on the couch, alone in the house except for Lil' B who is asleep upstairs in her crib. It is so nice to have silence and to be alone with my thoughts. I made a cup of coffee and started reading a book about writing, "Writing Down the Bones" by Natalie Goldberg. Something that she wrote in the first few pages really hit home with me.

This book is about writing. It is also about using writing as your practice, as a way to help you penetrate your life and become sane.

At several points over the last year, I have questioned myself. What is the point of writing this blog? Why am I doing this? Why do I put some of my most intense feelings and thoughts out on the Internet for anyone to read and comment on? Well, I think Ms. Goldberg has answered these questions for me: "to become sane."

Over the next year, I am really going to focus on my writing. I need to find a quiet time and place each day to get my thoughts out of my head, onto paper, and then onto this blog. Because after all, I could definitely use a little more quiet and a lot more sanity in my life.

Traveling with kids: Long car ride edition

2010-11-09T13:51:00.001-05:00

I cannot believe how fast this year is flying by us. Before I know it, Mr. Rose will be home and we will be getting ready to go over the river and through the woods to Grammy's house for Thanksgiving. I am simultaneously looking forward to and dreading this trip. I love the holidays and I especially love being with my family during this time. Living so far away from them (a 10 hour drive), makes this a difficult task. Hence the reason why I am dreading the trip.

Driving for 10 hours with a three year old and a 15 month old, just isn't fun. In fact, I become a waitress, cruise director, and stewardess all rolled into one for the entire 10 hours. Between changing movies in Miss H's DVD player and constantly keeping Lil' B occupied with different toys or snacks, simply riding in the car becomes even more exhausting than normal.

I fear that this time we make this trip will be especially frustrating. Even though Lil' B is one now, she does not weigh enough (only 17 lbs!) for us to turn her car seat forward facing. She has been increasingly fussy the last few weeks in the car. She is not a car sleeper at all and she really isn't into watching tv. All of these present me with a unique challenge when trying to figure out how to keep her entertained.

Today I purchased a new mirror for the back seat that has lights and music for her. I also picked up a couple of new toys that I hope will keep her entertained for awhile. I think I am even going to borrow someone's portable DVD player to hook up for her to watch. Having two DVD players going at the same time will be interesting, but Miss H will use headphones.

I really do not want to end up riding in the 10 inches left over in the backseat between their car seats in order to keep Lil' B happy. If you have any suggestions for keeping these kiddos happy, I would love to hear them!

Erin

More than a Mommy group

2010-11-03T21:18:00.000-04:00

I have been feeling drained the last few weeks. Drained physically, mentally, and emotionally. I feel like I work from sun up to sun down (and beyond!) non-stop. Making and feeding meals, dishes, laundry, diaper changes, cleaning the house, playing with the kids, reading books, going on outings, and more. I have sewing projects and blogging projects that I want to work on, but there is absolutely NO time during the day. I am lucky if I can log on to the computer to check my email for 5 minutes, much less write an intelligent blog post.

In addition to being tired, I feel isolated. Being alone with two kids under four all day every day leaves me longing for adult interaction. I know I am not alone either. I know there are so many other moms out there who feel the same way I do.

Something that I have really been missing since we moved to Big Town Suburbia, Florida, is a good group of like-minded Moms. I have mentioned before that I am not a "mommy-group" type of person, and that is true. What I am missing is something more than a Mommy group.

When we lived in North Carolina, I belonged to a Women's Bible Study that happened to be comprised of mostly women with young children. It was such a blessing in my life to be able to have some adult conversation and learn more about my faith on a weekly basis. Since we have moved, I have not been able to find such a group.

This past Sunday, I found a flyer in our church bulletin for a new Mom's group that is forming. It is called Moms PLUS (Providing Love Understanding and Support.) How great is that! Anyway, tonight was the organizational meeting and I met some fabulous other moms from our church. They are planning to have a monthly program along with weekly playdates, a Bible study, and the occasional Moms Night Out.

It was only a one hour meeting, and yet, I feel completely refreshed. I hope and I pray that this group will be a source of fun and friendship for me on a weekly basis. Having time to renew myself is so important. I know this and yet it is a continual struggle for me to set aside time for myself. A New Year's Resolution for 2011, perhaps? Sounds good to me!

Holiday entertaining: St. Nicholas Celebration for kids

2010-11-01T09:00:00.001-04:00

As we enter November, I am getting more and more excited for the holidays. I have been planning outings for my family and a couple of rejuvenating activities just for myself during the season. But one event in particular has my full attention right now: having a St. Nicholas Celebration for my children and their friends.

Every year as Miss H gets older, she becomes more and more focused on what Santa is going to bring her for Christmas. Mr. Rose and I do our best to keep the focus on Christmas as Jesus’ birthday, but even we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.

source

December 6 is the Feast Day of St. Nicholas. St. Nicholas was a Bishop in modern day Turkey in the 300's and is remembered for his generosity to the needy and his love for children. Families around the world have been celebrating his feast day for centuries as a way to connect Santa Claus with the Christian themes of love, hope, and giving.

On the afternoon of December 5, the day before St. Nicholas Day, Miss H and her friends will gather to learn a little bit about this amazing man. We will munch on traditional Speculaas cookies and apple cider while I read the book A Special Place for Santa, which seamlessly describes who St. Nicholas was and how he became the Santa Claus of today. They will learn about how St. Nicholas generously provided the dowries for three girls to be married by throwing three bags of gold through their window, which landed in their stockings set out by the fireplace to dry. (Sound familiar?)

During the party, the children will be asked to leave their shoes in our front entryway. When they go to leave, they will find their shoes filled with gold coins (representing the dowry money) and candy canes (representing the bishop's staff.)

To encourage the spirit of giving and reinforce the lesson of generosity, each child will be asked to bring a toy to donate to a local toy drive to help give another child a Merry Christmas. My hope through hosting this holiday event for the children is that I remind them of what this season is truly about, and that we all have fun while doing it!

Erin

Okay - now it's your turn!

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Happy Hallo-week!

2010-10-31T21:17:00.001-04:00

What a crazy and fun Hallo-week the girls and I have had here. We started off by participating in our town's local Halloween Horribles parade last Sunday afternoon. The girls dressed up as Thing 1 and Thing 2, and I was the Cat in the Hat.

(See those hats? I sewed them! They were worn for all of 10 seconds. So much for all my hard work!)

It was blazing hot as we waited an hour just to get in to the parade area. But once we were in, Miss H had a blast visiting all the booths "trick or treating." We brought home a bag full of loot!

On Monday, our Kindermusik teacher asked everyone to dress up for class. Hence costume dressing #2. Miss H went in her Cinderella costume from last year, and Lil' B and I just wore our normal clothes.

On Thursday, Miss H's preschool had its annual Fall Festival and Halloween party, for which she was invited to dress up. Again.

So, we rummaged through her dress up box and came up with a cheerleader outfit. I haven't seen any pictures of that party yet, but she looked pretty cute!

Yesterday, my Mom and I took the girls to a local pumpkin festival. There were lots of pumpkins, good food, a petting zoo, kiddie games, and ice cream. It was a lot of fun!

Finally, today is Halloween. (Since when did Halloween become an all week event??) This afternoon we took the girls to the mall for Trick or Treating. More loot was amassed.

With all the activities this week, I am glad that Halloween is over. It has been really busy and I hope that we can get our feet back under us this week. The beginning of November also gets us closer to Mr. Rose being home - only three more weeks!

Happy Halloween!

Erin

**Don't forget about the Holiday Open House event starting tomorrow. You have a chance to win a prize pack worth over $2000 just by writing a post about Holiday entertaining and linking it up right here!**

I've got the bug...

2010-10-28T19:46:00.000-04:00

The sewing bug!

One of my New Year's Resolutions was to learn how to sew. I completed a couple of easy projects early in the year, but haven't really touched my sewing machine much. Well, the Rosebuds' Halloween costumes brought be back behind my machine. Miss H and Lil B are going as Thing 1 and Thing 2 (from The Cat in the Hat) and I decided to sew these cute little blue sunhats to simulate the Things' blue hair.

I found the free pattern at my new favorite sewing/crafting blog Prudent Baby. They have the cutest ideas and their tutorials are so easy to follow. {Seriously, if this non-Martha Stewart can understand and follow their directions, you can too!}

So now I have the bug. I am itching to start a new sewing project and I have a few ideas for gifts I can make for Christmas. I am so excited to have actually created something with my two hands. It is a great feeling!

Clean your dryer, much?

2010-10-25T20:39:00.001-04:00

Laundry is the bane of my existence. Over the past several months, I have been noticing my clothes dryer taking longer and longer to dry our laundry, thereby increasing the amount of time I spend processing the laundry. Boo hiss.

I have been noting my discontent with this appliance to my husband who says, "So call a repairman." This, coming from the man who normally just fixes everything himself, is a surprise.

Nonetheless, I keep ~~forgetting~~ putting off the call, hoping that the magical appliance repair fairy will come in the middle of the night so that when I wake up one day it will be fixed all on its own. After returning from our vacation and realizing that this situation was not going to resolve itself (darn you appliance repair fairy!), I made the call.

First, the actually appliance repairman came out and for $49.95 informed me that there was nothing wrong with my dryer. Huh?

"Yes, ma'am. What you need is to have your dryer vent cleaned."

My, what? My dryer vent. The big long tube that connects my dryer to the outside world so that the air can be removed from my dryer, and with it, the water from my clothes.

My second call was to the dryer vent cleaning company. (Yes, there are entire companies devoted to nothing more than cleaning dryer vents - I was as surprised as you are.) The first thing the serviceman did was to take the tube off the back of my dryer to show me how much lint was built up in there.

It was completely clogged. He proceeded to clean out the entire vent, and he also took my dryer apart to show me how much lint was built up on the inside of my dryer around the motor.

As bad as all this was, the worst part was when he told me how much of a fire hazard this is. Because my dryer wasn't drying, I kept running cycle after cycle after cycle, which could have caused my heating element to overheat or my fuse to spark and go out. Either could have sparked and caused a huge fire.

My laundry room shares a wall with Miss H's bedroom. I wanted to cry. What if? I can barely even think it. Having a fire in my house is one of my biggest fears. The repairman even gave me a reprint of an article in the newspaper from last month about a house fire at a home in our town that caused $60,000 worth of damage because of built up dryer lint.

So what did I learn? If it takes longer than 30 minutes for your clothes to dry, there is a problem. If the problem is a clogged dryer vent, you have a fire hazard on your hand. For $79, I have a completely clean vent, a dryer that works, and the knowledge to help prevent a fire in my house (and yours!)

Erin

Holiday Entertaining

2010-10-22T21:29:00.000-04:00

Is it possible that the holidays are right around the corner? At our house, we are knee deep in Halloween costumes, jack-o-lanterns, and candy, and yet, I can't help but get excited that it is almost November and then December! I love everything about the holidays. I love having get-togethers and decorating for Christmas. Last year, I didn't have the opportunity to do too much with a newborn in the house, but this year I have big plans. We'll see if any of them come to fruition.

How about you? Are you starting to get excited about entertaining for the holidays? Do you have any tips or ideas you would like to share?

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I hope you'll join us for this fun event. I have sugar plums dancing in my head already!!

Erin

Pregnancy Loss and Awareness

2010-10-21T14:36:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago, I joined a local organic food buying group in order to get a wider variety of organic produce than what was available at my local grocery store. The first time I went to pick up my order, I was greeted by a sweet woman with two little boys and a very visible pregnant belly. A discussion about her due date and what she was having followed, and I wished her well with her birth as her due date was approaching.

About a week later, the organizer emailed everyone in the group to let us know that she was suspending the buying group for the next few weeks because "they had received some terrible news" regarding her baby. There were no details other than that.

Today, we found out that her precious baby girl died a few hours after birth due to a chromosomal defect called Trisomy 18. I cried when I read her email, and I am crying now as I type it here. I barely know this woman, and yet, my heart breaks for her and for her family.

Two years ago, I lost a baby at just 8 weeks gestation. I have never written about my loss on my blog before. Every time I hear about another lost pregnancy or baby, it brings back all the feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, and fear that I felt then.

I remember how I felt watching the doctor perform our first ultrasound, looking and looking and looking for that heartbeat. Mr. Rose was there with me, holding my hand. I just kept thinking over and over again, "This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening to me."

Even though I believe in waiting until 12 weeks to announce a pregnancy for fear of having a miscarriage, I never honestly thought it would happen to me. Amazingly, after my miscarriage, I learned that 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage.

My miscarriage is what is called a missed miscarriage because I had no bleeding or other symptoms. I waited a week to schedule my D&C. When my doctor convinced me that it was time, I went to the hospital for the outpatient procedure. I cried as they put me under anesthesia and I was crying when I woke up.

So why am I writing all this now? Well, the email from my friend set me off and got me thinking about it again. Then I remembered that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I want people to know that miscarriage is a lot more common than we think. If it has happened to you and you feel alone, you aren't. It seems like every time I tell someone that I lost a baby, they tell me that it happened to them once too.

If you have ever lost a child, from my heart I tell you that I am so sorry. Leave me a comment and let me know (and include your child's name if you named them) and I will include you in my prayers tonight for all the angel babies that have been lost.

If you would, please forward this post to your friends, tweet it, blog about it, facebook it.

Erin

Traveling solo with small children - not for the faint of heart

2010-10-18T07:00:00.002-04:00

I. Am. Home.

Deep breath.

I am so exhausted, but I want to write this out now because if I don't, I'll forget and I really want you guys to know how my trip went. And I'm sure you're all dying to know, right?

Crickets.

Ah, well. So I type this for Cheryl, Kmama, Shell, Chelle, MarketingMama and anyone else who is lurking around my blog and not commenting. *Ahem.*

Two Saturdays ago, the Rosebuds (14 months and 3) and I left our house with one suitcase (plus a small extra bag), a Mommy backpack "O' Fun", and a Miss H back pack. Getting through the airport was a breeze! We checked our bags curbside, and made our way to security. The girls thought it was hilarious that our shoes had to "get their pictures taken" before they were allowed on the airplane. : )

Lil B rolled in style with her gogo Kidz Travelmate which transforms her car seat into a stroller.

Sidenote - I am a big believer in an airplane seat for kids of all ages. Miss H sat in a seat with just the lapbelt, but Lil B had her full on car seat for the flight. It's just safer, people.

The Travelmate made it so simple to transport her around the airport. The only sticky part was getting two kids, plus a car seat, plus two backpacks, onto and off of the airplane. In my haste, I forgot to plan for this logistically (Doh!) and in hindsight wished I had brought along my Lillebaby Everywear to carry Lil B.

Thankfully, I had two complete and total strangers offer to help me onto and off of each flight. Without them, I don't think I would have made it. So thank you Mr. Front Row seat for your kindness on our first flight, and to Mr. and Mrs. Grandparent for your amazing help on our second flight. The next time I travel sans children (are you paying attention Santa?), I will pay it forward. Promise.

The worst part of the trip was always the flight. By the time we got on the airplane, Lil B had had enough of being restrained. She wanted "Bup!" Vehemently. So I read the four baby books that I had ~~crammed into~~ placed neatly in my Mommy backpack "O' Fun" over, and over, and over, and over, and over again, in order to spare the poor souls ~~on the rest of the plane~~ sitting around us from hearing my littlest one screech.

The best part of the trip was seeing the smiles and the happy faces of my husband and my girls as we walked through the airport to meet him. Was the trip worth all the hassle? Without. Question.

Erin

Going on an adventure

2010-10-07T20:08:00.000-04:00

In less than 48 hours, I will be taking my three year old and my fourteen month old on an airplane trip. By. Myself.

How do I get myself into these things?

It sounded like a great idea. My in-laws have a beach house on the Outer Banks of North Carolina which is very close to where Mr. Rose is on his travel assignment. Why don't the girls and I fly up there to visit you, I said. We can stay for a whole week and get to see you on both weekends. And your Dad is going to come down a week earlier than he had planned in order to see us? This is going to be so great!

Now, I am facing the reality of this situation. Packing one suitcase for all three of us because I am not going to be able to physically handle any more than that. Preparing Miss H for airplane travel and all it entails. Planning what to pack in our carry-ons in order to keep them happy and quiet for the 2 hour (it's only 2 hours, it's only two hours, breathe.....) flight.

Don't get me wrong. It is going to be wonderful for me to see my husband and for the Rosebuds to see their Daddy. We are all missing him so much. The cool crisp weather in North Carolina is going to be a welcome change to the heat we have had here, not to mention being at the beach.

So, we are headed off on an adventure. I keep telling myself that I am a smart, capable 32 year old woman and I can handle anything that Murphy throws at me on the way. Patience is where I tend to be lacking, so I have been praying hard for it this week. If you are the praying type, I would appreciate any you are willing to direct my way.

Have a great weekend!

Erin

Kids and electronic media - too much or not enough?

2010-10-06T14:22:00.002-04:00

At this time of year, we start making our Christmas "wish lists" in our family. I know it sounds early, but I like to shop early in order to be able to actually enjoy the Christmas season. And if I do the early preparation, I know what we are shopping for on Black Friday and can locate the deals for those items on Thanksgiving day. Preparation = HUGE SAVINGS!

This year on my wish list I have two big items. I am hoping that my husband (are you reading this honey?) thinks that I have been a good enough girl this year in order to deserve them. *wink*

iPod Touch

One of the bigger items on my list is an iPod Touch. I have been feeling the itch for a new "toy" this year. I love how the iPod touch can give me access to so many fun applications, not just for myself, but for the kids too.

There is one huge drawback to this though. Lately, Miss H has gotten a little addicted to screen time. My friend Chrystal came over to watch the girls for me one Saturday, and she let Miss H play with a Barbie dress up application on her iPhone. When I returned home and it was time for Chrystal to go, Miss H had a giant temper tantrum and screamed and cried about wanting to play more with the game. The next two days she kept begging for me to go run more errands so Chrystal could come back with her game.

Several weeks ago, we began letting Miss H have 30 minutes of computer game time. We have a Sesame Street game that she enjoys and I also let her play some games on PBS Kids, again with a 30 minute time limit. She used to be really good with her time limits, but this week she has just been unwilling to let go of computer time.

I feel like I am creating a monster. She sees me at the computer checking my "email" (and facebook and twitter) regularly, which shows her that the computer is something fun and of value to me. I have been really trying not to have computer time unless she is engaged in another activity because I know that my example goes a long way.

So, what if I get this iPod Touch? And worse yet, what if I let her play with it occasionally? It is going to be a huge temper tantrum every time her 30 minutes of play time is over? I am really conflicted here.

My next thought is maybe I should get her a toy or some type of electronic device that she can use on her own. For instance, the vtech MobiGo is a touch learning system with educational games on it. The Leapfrog Leapster Explorer is another option.

vtech MobiGo

My husband and I have always been very anti-videogaming and I don't want to create a screen zombie. But I also have to ask myself if I am doing her a disservice by not exposing her to technology. In a day and age when smaller, faster, more capable machines are launched every day in our society, our children are going to be even more of a technological generation than you and I are. They will never know what it was like to grow up without a computer, either at home, in the classroom, or at the library. They will never know what it was like to not have a cell phone.

So what do you think? Are these types of electronic learning devices a help or a hindrance to our children's education? Do they do more harm or good?

Erin

Cooking 9 meals a day...not anymore!

2010-10-04T13:14:00.000-04:00

One of my goals as a mother is to provide healthy food for my family. I buy organic milk and produce and other organic staples when I can. I add pureed fruits and veggies into recipes to up the nutritional value of our traditional fare. It is a lot of work and makes for a lot of dishes as well.

Now that Mr. Rose is away for awhile, I have been trying to keep this up. Specifically at dinnertime, I try to make one meal that we can all eat, with some variations for Lil' B. This has been failing miserably the past few weeks. I have a bad habit of trying new recipes thinking that they will like it, and then the only who eats is me. So, not only do I have to make something else for the kids, but then I have twice the dishes. Three times the dishes if I have to make something different for each of them.

Forget it. I'm done.

From now on, I am going to have to cook for the kids and make a variation for myself. It sounds backwards, I know, especially when it seems like all they will eat is macaroni and cheese. If I eat macaroni and cheese every night, I will be the size of a ~~small elephant~~ house when Mr. Rose gets home.

Here's how I envision this working:

Breakfast: Traditionally cereal, yogurt, and fruit. No changes here.
Lunch: I'm done being creative at lunch. From now on we subsist on sandwiches and fruit.
Dinner: At this point, the only thing I can get them to eat consistently is pasta. Some version of pasta with varying sauces and protein. I am going to try to sneak some tofu into the sauces to get some protein in these kids. Lil' B will not eat meat, even when I try to sneak some ground beef or turkey into her pasta. I'm convinced my picky eater is going to be vegetarian. I may also try some fried rice dishes with egg and veggies (here I go again trying something new....) As for me, I am going to be eating a lot of salads. I need to eat more vegetables anyway, so this will be a good alternative to their calorie packed pasta.

If you have any yummy recipes your little ones love, please feel free to share.

Short order cook no more,

Erin

I love my parents

2010-10-03T14:50:00.000-04:00

I am pretty sure I am one of the most blessed daughters on the face of the Earth. My parents are amazing. Really. They are.

They flew down this weekend to hang out with me and the Rosebuds. The kept the girls while I went shopping and got my hair done. We ate out. We played at the pool. We watched football and baseball (GO YANKEES!) We went to church. It was a beautiful weekend.

They just left. And I am more sad than I usually am when the leave. I always hate it when they leave. But it is worse this time. Probably mostly because Mr. Rose is gone so I am here "by myself" again. It stinks.

As they were leaving, they offered to come back another weekend before Thanksgiving. I love my parents. I am so blessed to be their daughter. I could never repay them for all they have and continue to give me.

Erin

BLOGMANIA 2011 Dream Team

2010-09-29T14:04:00.000-04:00

Have you heard? I've been accepted as a BLOGMANIA 2011 Dream Team Member! I am so excited!! I have been looking for awhile now for a way to up my blogging game, and I think this is going to be the perfect thing to help elevate my blog to the next level! (Sorry for all the !EXCLAMATION POINTS! but I am REALLY excited!)

Blogmania is a group of 200 talented bloggers guided by Parker PR Online to host a giveaway with over $100 in prizes on each of their blogs on the same day twice a year.

Interested in joining us?

BLOGMANIA is now accepting applications from and recruiting some of the most talented people in their respected blogging fields to sign on as BLOGMANIA blogs for APRIL and /or OCTOBER 2011 EVENTS. If accepted you will be one of just 200 elite bloggers - THE BLOGMANIA’s APRIL 2011 DREAM TEAM!

Entry Fees (paid within 7 days of acceptance to secure membership):

April – $59

October – $99

Apply now for both – and, if accepted, pay only $129!

In 2010 – Bloggers worked hard to promote BLOGMANIA as an event. In 2011, BLOGMANIA is going to work hard to promote 200 bloggers - the official BLOGMANIA 2011 DREAM TEAM.

SAME GREAT WORLDWIDE, WEB WIDE EVENT – NEW APPROACH.

TEAM MEMBER PERKS:

EACH BLOG will host a page with the list of the April 2011 Dream Team – that’s 200 do follow links for your blog!
EACH BLOGGER will follow all 200 bloggers on twitter and will host a twitter list of the dream team twitter accounts.
EACH BLOGGER will send out a Facebook announcement announcing their membership on the dream team and link back to their page on which the the Dream Team list is hosted.
EACH BLOGGER will have the ability to sell ad space for BLOGMANIA for commission.
EACH BLOGGER will receive help from PPRO and the BLOGMANIA Team Leaders with getting sponsors, building their giveaway theme, promoting, as well as any tech questions.
EACH BLOGGER – excluding BLOGMANIA Team Leaders – will have the chance to participate in DREAM TEAM ONLY promotions, contests and giveaways throughout the year. You will also be given first dibs to work opportunities that come in through PPRO, as well as commission opps and advance notice of all PPRO monthly promo events with first dibs at slots at a discounted rate.

TO APPLY: COPY PASTE and FILL OUT the following application and then email it to Gina Parker at blogmaniapr@gmail.com with 2011 DREAM TEAM APP in the subject line. Please send this application from the email you will use as your main contact email if chosen for the DREAM TEAM. Remember, we are limited in numbers and looking for talented and serious bloggers – please follow these instructions correctly if interested in being given a good look.

YOUR NAME:
BLOG NAME:
BLOG URL:
TWITTER USERNAME:
FACEBOOK PAGE URL:
ARE YOU ON blogfrog?:
DESCRIPTION of your READERSHIP:
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: Referred by #40 Cultivating Rosebuds

I hope you join us!

Erin

miscellany monday: trying something new

2010-09-27T20:17:00.000-04:00

i am feeling random. i am in a funk - personally and on this blog. so i am trying something new this week.

1. fighting. i am "in a fight" with my best friend in this town. doesn't that sound so sixth grade? it is. it started over a miscommunication and when i finally started communicating, i actually communicated too much. now she is hurt and i am hurt and i don't know where to go from here. why do we as women do this to ourselves? *sigh*

2. best alone weekend ever. save for #1 above, the rosebuds and i had a great weekend even with mr. rose being out of town. saturday i had mom's morning out where i ate breakfast out all by myself! (it was glorious.) i got my car washed and vacuumed, filled it up with gas, and made trips to the craft store and grocery store. that afternoon we visited the pool. (hey - if it is going to be 90 degrees out and our pool is still open i am going to embrace it.) sunday brought us to church, cracker barrel, and the gym.

3. consignment sale. i am getting ready to participate in our local consignment sale as a first time consignor. i really don't have that much to sell, because we are still planning on more kid(s.) but, i really wanted to consign if even just for the experience and to get a pre-sale shopping pass. check back on thursday for my review on how it goes!

4. parents. my parents are coming to visit this weekend and i am so excited to see them! after living with them for four months earlier this year, i really miss our daily interactions. and i might just have to schedule that massage i have been meaning to get.

so what do you think? totally random, right? head on over to lowercase letters for more miscellany monday!

Erin

My fall book challenge

2010-09-21T13:11:00.001-04:00

As I have written on this blog before, I love to read. I just don't do it as often as I would like to. About a month ago, I joined a book club and was prompted to read two books that were a little out of my normal realm of reading. It was great because I didn't have to figure out what to read. They told me what to read, I read it, and had a lovely adult discussion about the books.

Book club has since prompted me to get back into my reading time and I am really enjoying it. Earlier this year, I discovered that Katrina at Callapidder Days does a twice a year reading challenge. Basically, you create a list of books you want to read and try to complete your list in the allotted amount of time. So, I decided to join in the fun!

Here is my list. I realize that it is probably a lot shorter than most people playing along with this challenge, but what can I say? I have already read 10 of my "12 Books in 2010" personal reading goal for this year. Anything over that is just gravy. If I can read all these by the deadline of December 22, I am going to "up my game" and set a goal of 36 books in 2011. (Yikes!)

1. Wolf Hall, Hilary Mantel

2. Naomi and her daughters, Walter Wangerin

3. Juliet, Ann Fortier

4. The Thorn, Beverly Lewis

8. Hotel on the Corner of Bitter & Sweet, Jamie Ford

9. The Age of Innocence, Edith Wharton

10. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens

11. Skipping Christmas, John Grisham

I also have a couple of other goals for this challenge:

1. Spend no more than $3 per book. That means using the library or book swap.

2. Speaking of the library, I want to make a weekly trip to the library to my Rosebuds to storytime. We do this sporadically, but I am going to try to make it part of our weekly routine.

3. Speaking of the Rosebuds, my final goal is to read to them for 30 minutes before bedtime. We are already reading a lot to Miss H, but Lil' B tends to get the short end of that stick.

Interested in joining in the fun? Head on over to Callapidder Days to link up. Happy Reading!

Erin

Why do they do this to me?

2010-09-20T14:36:00.000-04:00

A couple of weeks ago Lil' B (formerly known as Baby B) came down with a nasty cold and ear infection. Off to the doctor we went for our prescription of antibiotics.

This morning Miss H says to me, "Mommy, what we doing today?"

"We have to take B back to the doctor to get her ears checked again sweetie."

"But not me, right?"

"Right, not you. She is just going to check B's ears to make sure her ear infection is gone."

Famous last words.

When the doctor comes in, she announces how glad she is that I brought both girls because TADA! the magical flu shots are in!

Image: m_bartosch / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Shoot. Now, I am in a precarious position. I flat out told Miss H that only Lil' B was getting checked and now it turns out they both have to get shots. My mind starts racing. Who should get it first? B is surely going to scream. Will that freak Miss H out even more? Miss H is surely going to throw a fit, especially if Lil' B doesn't get hers first? What to do, what to do???

Well, Lil' B got her shot first. She cried a little bit and then was happy to play with the band-aid. I held Miss H on my lap and restrained her hands for the nurse. I felt horrible. She screamed and kicked the nurse before she could even get near her with the shot. Finally, we were able to give it to her and she cried for awhile. It wasn't even a "it hurts" cry; it was more of a "I can't believe you let them do this to me" cry.

I felt like a horrible Mommy. I know she thinks I lied to her. Tricked her to get her to the doctor to get her flu shot. But honestly, I had no idea that this was going to happen today.

Chalk it up as one more of those things we do for our kids - even if they don't like it.

Erin

PS - I took the plunge and started a Facebook page for my blog. Would you be so kind as to "Like" it? Here's the link. Smooches!

Here we go again

2010-09-18T13:46:00.001-04:00

Mr. Rose has taken off on another extended trip. This time is a lot different from his spring trip. We are able to talk to him everyday and video chat on Skype. We are going to visit him for a week in October and he will be home on the occasional weekend.

But it is still hard.

The kids are actually being great. In the first week that he has been gone, there have been no major meltdowns, injuries, or fights. They are just going along their normal routine, except that Dad isn't home in the evenings for dinner or on the weekends. I think that they are starting to get a little bored with just me being here though.

Yesterday afternoon I was beginning to lose my cool. It was the end of the seventh day of him being gone and my afternoon was not going to plan. I could feel myself unraveling. My responses to Miss H were getting shorter and louder.

Fortunately, help arrived in the form of my amazing babysitter. She is the kind of girl who loves kids, especially mine, and whom kids love in return. She plays fun games, uses silly voices when she reads books, builds forts and is generally a kind and loving person.

I *heart* her.

She came to spend the weekend with us. To give me some free time, some help with the kids and around the house, and some company in the evenings. It was exactly what I needed.

Yesterday afternoon, she kept the kids while I went to the grocery store and cooked dinner. {She even cleaned up my kitchen while I was gone even though I told her not to.} This morning she kept the kids while I went for some much needed retail therapy. It was glorious.

We are all going to be very sad to see her go tomorrow. Having her here has, and is still, a huge blessing and it reminds me that I need to not be afraid to ask for help. As a stubborn person, it is oftentimes difficult for me to admit weakness. Realizing that needing help does not mean that I am weak is half the battle.

One week down, nine more to go!

Erin

I'll try

2010-09-15T21:31:00.001-04:00

Miss H is going through a stage where she wants me to do (or at least help) her with everything. Getting dressed. Going potty. Washing her hands. Don't get me wrong, she does need a lot of help with some things. These are not tasks she needs help with.

She has become proficient at the phrase, "I can't. I need you, Mommy." Over the past two months, I have been working with her to say, "I'll try" instead of "I can't."

Sometimes I feel like a Drill Sergeant.

"Recruit, did you say can't?!?! Can't is not a word in my vocabulary! I do not know the meaning of the word can't! You can and you will TRY until you DO!"

She has started giving it back to me, too. "Honey, I can't read to you right now, I need to change the baby's diaper." "Mommy, DON'T SAY CAN'T!"

Stinker.

But it is working. She is becoming more independent and trying to do more things on her own, like putting her dirty dishes in the sink.

While we are trying to teach her how to do things for herself, we are also trying to teach her perseverance and determination. We want her to know that she can do anything she puts her mind to if she will only try.

As we have gone through this exercise, I have been thinking to myself, how many times a day do I say can't? I also need to start saying "I'll try" more.

As I was lurking on facebook this morning, I came across this video showing Army soldier amputees completing an obstacle course. Wow. From a couple of soldiers I have heard from, this course is no walk in the park. It is incredibly tough with two good arms and legs. I cannot begin to imagine how hard it is for these guys. Yet they try, and they can.

This served as a good wake-up call for me today. There are things I have been putting off because "I can't." From now on, it's going to be "I'll try."

Erin

Big girl bed and walking baby

2010-09-08T06:44:00.001-04:00

My girls are growing up.

Over the summer, we moved Miss H to her "big girl" bed, otherwise known as the toddler bed conversion from her crib. Yes, my girl slept in a crib until well after her third birthday. It was working for her, working for us, and in my opinion, if it ain't broke....you know the rest.

Anywho, we finally made the leap and moved her into her big girl bed, prepared for her to explore her new found freedom. And then? Nothing. She stayed in her bed in her room without fail. She even stayed in her bed in the mornings when she woke up. Seriously? Yes ma'am! (You can hate me now.)

Every once in awhile she would get up out of her bed to grab a book or a small toy, but then hop back into bed. I would find her in bed in the morning with something that I did not put her to bed with, but I am okay with that. The moral of this story is, I am so glad that we kept her in a crib as long as we did.

Over the last several days, Baby B has been cautiously taking her first steps. She will take a few steps, fall down, and then look up at you with a huge grin. Every day that goes by she spends more time on her feet and less on her hands and knees.

When I see that little baby toddling around, it feels too soon. Yes, she is 13 months old and she should be walking. But she is my baby! She seems too small to be walking around already.

My girls are growing up. Growing up too fast. I want to freeze time because I know that in ten years when they want to be driven to the mall and dropped off at the movies, I will look back and long to relive these days. Well, maybe not freeze. Maybe just slow it down a bit.

Or maybe? Maybe it is time for Babybud #3....

Just sayin'!

Erin

World's Greatest BFF

2010-09-03T15:10:00.001-04:00

What makes two people become best friends? Is it chemistry? Likeness of attitude? Similar beliefs? It is hard to say. I have a handful of ladies whom I consider to be great friends. Me and my best friend? We just are.

Here are a few things about what makes my best friend the greatest.

Eagerness to help

My best friend is always ready to help. When Miss H was born she drove three hours at the drop of a hat to be by my side. Before Baby B was born, she planned a trip to Florida for a week when Mr. Rose was traveling, just to be here with me.

Memories

My best friend and I have known each other for a long time - our entire lives. We weren't always friends though. We sort of just existed in the same world passing each other in the hallway without even acknowledging the other's presence.

And then one day, we started hanging out. We got to know each other. We started to create fun memories and sad memories and hilarious memories and serious memories. Memories that bind us to each other to this day.

She was my maid of honor and I was hers. She is my daughter's Godmother and I am her son's. She knows just about every secret I have ever had, and vice-versa.

Insanely silly

My best friend is the craziest person I know. She can have me rolling on the floor laughing (to the point of *almost* peeing in my pants) in an instant. She knows that laughter is the best medicine and can cure all ills.

Love

I love my best friend and she loves me. When my heart breaks, her heart breaks. After I experienced a loss, she cried when I told her over the phone. When my heart soars, her heart soars. She was the first person I told when I found out I was pregnant with Miss H. I'm pretty sure she cried then, too!

Years of putting up with my....

Flaws. I am obsessive, compulsive, Type-A, and controlling. I am sometimes bitter and have a tad of a temper. During my wedding planning, my nickname was Zilla (okay, I wasn't THAT bad.) But honestly, she has put up with my junk for nearly 29 years, just sayin'.

Have you figured out who my best friend is yet?

My sister. She's been there for all the ups, downs, highs, and lows of my life. I love her with my whole heart. "Thank you for being a friend!"

Erin

For the first time in my life, I went clubbin'!

2010-08-29T20:39:00.001-04:00

Book clubbin' that is! Yes, yes. I joined a book club.

Yesterday, I went to my first book club meeting. I have never been to a book club before and wasn't really sure what to expect. My husband pictured a bunch of old ladies with white hair.

I really only joined to give me some motivation to read books. I needed someone to tell me what book to read and when to read it by. And it worked! I read two very interesting books that I would not have picked up otherwise.

I got cleaned up and sat a restaurant with some very nice ladies and discussed these books. And they weren't old ladies with white hair. They were my age-ish.

It was awesome. I got to have grown up conversation with other grown ups. I got a nice break away from the kids and remembered what it felt like to be me for awhile.

Erin. Not Mama Rosebud. Erin. Lover of good books, good writing, and good conversation.

On my way home, I took a side trip by our library to look for some new books. I am terrible at this. They didn't have the next book for our club, so I just sort of perused the aisles. Nothing really jumped out at me.

Later that night back at home, I logged into my Goodreads account to update my reading list (see widget in my left sidebar for what I have read this year.) I stumbled upon two very cool features of that site.

First, there are groups you can join. I joined a Reading Challenge group that gives you suggestions and incentives for finding new books to read. Totally up my alley.

Then, I found the book swap feature. Basically, you mark books on your shelf that you own and if they are available for swap. If someone else on Goodreads wants your book, they request it. The requester pays postage. All you have to do is print out a mailing label and drop it in the mail. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet! If you are looking for a new book to read, you can most likely find someone who has it to swap. Free book + shipping. After you have swapped 10 books, you get one for free. Mama like!

So, I have gotten myself back on top of my reading game. I am definitely on track to meet my goal of reading 12 books this year, and I am starting to set my goal for next year. 24? 36? What do you think?

Erin

Sister, this blog's for you

2010-08-18T07:00:00.008-04:00

A letter of encouragement to my sister, going on her 11th day as a first time mother.

Where do I begin? You can do it! (How's that for encouragement?) Being a mother is the hardest, most awesome and rewarding job you will ever have. I know that you are feeling overwhelmed right now by all the emotions and hormones and the monumental cataclysm that is becoming a mother. Let's review the past 11 days, shall we?

First, you labored and gave birth. Read those words again: gave birth. You and DH brought a whole new human being into this world. He is adorable and perfect. But he is a lump. He is a newborn and all newborns know how to do is eat, sleep, mess up his diaper, spit up, and eat some more. But goodness, he is a beautiful lump.

I remember when we brought Miss H home from the hospital, Mr. Rose and I just looked at each other with a "What now?" question on our face. We had our struggles getting established nursing, she had jaundice and wouldn't poo, she cried, we let her sleep on our chests. It was HARD.

And then he went back to work. I was with her by myself all day. I felt isolated and alone. I didn't have many friends in Little Town, NC. It was HARD.

I wanted to go back to work, but it just wasn't an option. The job that I loved (and was good at I might add!) was too far of a drive and required regular amounts of travel. Not being able to go back, it hurt. I felt like I lost a piece of myself by not working. It was HARD.

Before I knew it, Miss H wasn't a newborn lump anymore. It was like I blinked and she was big all of a sudden. She was stuffing her face with birthday cake and walking and saying "cat." I had been with her every day for twelve months and I felt like I missed the entire thing. Time moves so slowly, and yet is speeds by at lightening pace. I wished I could go back to the beginning. Go back to the newborn lump phase, and soak it all in. It was HARD.

I was an accidental stay at home Mom. I never planned to be one. I ALWAYS thought that I would go back to work. When we moved to Suburb town, FL, I threw the idea around of getting a job. But my heart wasn't in it. And then I was pregnant again anyway.

My point is, you never know how you are going to feel until you are actually in the situation. Some mothers absolutely know that they want to go back to work and do, others absolutely know that they want to stay home. For some, they don't always get what they want.

In the end, you must do what feels right. Regardless of what you decide, no one can take away the fact that you are little PK's Mommy. I have asked some of my bloggy friends to link up some of their posts about becoming a mother here. I hope you find more encouragement and insight. Becoming a mother is hard. Everyone deals with it differently. You will find your groove. Don't forget to pray for guidance.

I love you sweetie.

Your best friend,

Errie

Whoa baby, it's been a long couple of weeks!

2010-08-16T07:00:00.003-04:00

The beginning of August brought another journey for me and the Rosebuds. My sister was in her 38th week of pregnancy and Mr. Rose was going on a business trip, so I thought it would be a good idea to visit home. While we were there, I helped my sister do the last minute pregnancy things that she needed help with and even got a chance to be there with her during some of her labor. She gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on August 7. I felt so blessed to be able to be there for her. Now that I have had a chance to process the whole experience, I continue to be in awe of the miracle of life. God is so good!

The girls and I have returned home now and are getting ready for school to start again (YAY!) Miss H will be in a two day a week preschool, so I am trying to plan out some regular activities to keep us occupied. I think we will be frequenting our local library storytimes and I may even enroll Miss H in some type of dance or gymnastics class.

As for me, you will be so proud of me! I joined a book club!! Each month there are TWO books to read and so far I have read the first one. I love having a deadline (and a required reading book) to keep me on task. I have trouble picking books for myself, and if I don't have something to make me read.....I just won't!

I am also getting back on the Couch to 5K wagon. I have to lose this last 10 pounds of Baby B weight. A friend of mine is going to train with me, so again, I have someone to keep me honest!

I feel like there is so much I want to do, just not enough time to do it in. Such is life, eh?

Have a great week friends!!

Erin

Baby B is One!

2010-07-29T13:34:00.001-04:00

My sweet little blue eyed baby turned one yesterday. I know every mother says this, but I can hardly believe how fast the time flies. It seems like only yesterday that we were bringing her home from the hospital.

Now she is crawling at lightening speed, pulling up and cruising along furniture, and just starting to stand for brief moments on her own. She has an infectious laugh and a coy smile. Her eyes sparkle with mischievousness. She babbles constantly (I wonder where she gets that from) and says Ma-ma, Da-da, Hi, and A-da (all done.) She waves and knows the signs for more, all done, and milk.

I am going to toot my own horn for a minute. Baby B and I have made it one full year of nursing! She is still nursing three to five times a day and showing no signs of slowing down. Part of me is ready to stop, but the other part remembers how much I missed it when I weaned Miss H. So we are going to stick with it for the time being.

Earlier this year, I posted about Baby B's weight gain, or lack there-of. This continues to be something that we are watching with her doctor. At her 9 month well check (which was actually at 10 months) she had fallen from the 3rd percentile to below the chart. In the last six weeks she has gained 1.5 lbs and is creeping back up to the chart again.

Our pediatrician has been very laid back about this situation because she is making developmental gains and her length and head continue to grow well. She's just a skinny baby who had a hard time adjusting to solid food.

I am still getting comments (almost daily and usually from strangers) about how small she is. I have learned to take it in stride and say, "Yup, she's my little munchkin!" I would love to say that it doesn't hurt as much as it used to, but it actually does. I don't understand why some people think it is okay to comment on babies sizes, small or large. They wouldn't do that to an adult, right?

Anyhow, Baby B is getting bigger. I feel like I shouldn't call her Baby B on my blog anymore. I am looking for ideas if anyone has any, let me know!

On another note, I hope you like my new, simplified blog design. I felt the need to pare down a little bit to go along with my new laid-back blogging lifestyle. What do you think?

Make it a great day friends. I'm off to cultivate those rosebuds....

Erin

Rethinking my blog, my mission

2010-07-23T17:37:00.000-04:00

I have to say, I do believe I am suffering from blogger burnout. I used to be a regular poster, commenter, and tweeter. Now, I have barely even logged on to blogger in the last month.

Part of my problem is that I am having a hard time maintaining balance in my life. That was my New Year's Resolution, remember? Balance. Flexibility. I am achieving neither of those.

I think I got overwhelmed by the whole blogging game. The numbers. Followers. Stats. Analytics. That isn't why I started blogging. I started writing as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings. I needed a forum to connect with others and to have them connect with me.

I need to get back to basics. I am rethinking the purpose of this blog. Blogging became a bit of job for me. That is where the problem is. Blogging is not a job. It is not very likely to make me any significant amount of money. Blogging is a hobby. My job? My job is being a Mom. Raising the children that I brought into this world with my husband. That is and will always be my most important vocation. Cultivating Rosebuds.

So that is where I am going with this. I am going to try to get back to posting....but I am going to limit it to once a week (probably Thursdays). Those of you who used to follow me? I hope you are still there and will join me once a week. I am going to start trying to read and comment on blogs again as well. I just haven't figured out where that will fit yet.

Thanks for sticking with me. I have missed you all!

Erin

All cats go to heaven

2010-06-30T15:51:00.001-04:00

Today, our dear cat Wiley passed away. We are stunned and saddened. Wiley was staying at our local kitty condos while we are on our two week family vacation. The owner checked on him last night before closing and he was fine. This morning, he was simply gone.

I cannot believe that this has happened. Wiley was my first pet on my own. I adopted him from a litter of kittens that one of my sister's friends found. He was fiesty from the start. From the very beginning he loved to chase anything you would throw for him, especially balled up post-it notes. He would even "fetch" them and expect you to throw them over and over again for him to chase.

When Wiley was just a few months old, I remember him cuddling up with me on the couch as I cried my heart out over a broken up relationship. It really felt like he was trying to comfort me. Years later as I lay on my couch in the weeks before Miss H was born, he would curl up next to my belly. In recent years as my life has gotten busier and more complicated with two small children, Wiley has definitely taken a back seat. Every once in awhile when he would venture out during naptime or in the evenings, he would still climb up in my lap for a little cuddle. Mr. Rose told me that he read an article stating that petting a cat could lower your blood pressure. I remembered this through the four months that Mr. Rose was gone and frequently rubbed the back of Wiley's head while trying to fall asleep at night.

Now, my husband and I face the difficult job of explaining why Wiley is not coming home from his "kitty vacation" to Miss H who has no concept of life, death, heaven, or the hereafter. The best advice I have received on this so far is to simply be honest with her. I am not looking forward to that conversation. This is the last thing I want to do on our vacation.

Well look at that. I just poured my heart out, and I wasn't even planning it. Linking up with Shell at Things I Can't Say for Pour Your Heart Out.

I'm on vacation....

2010-06-22T06:00:00.002-04:00

I've been cheating on my blog....

2010-06-16T15:30:00.000-04:00

Yes, I have been cheating on my blog. I know she is feeling sad and neglected. It has been a couple of months now since I was faithfully posting on her and sending visitors her way to leave us lovely comments.

You see, about two months ago, I started a new venture that I am COMPLETELY addicted to. It's called Macaroni Kid. Have you seen that name buzzing around the blogosphere. I started seeing it around back in April. I was curious because all these bloggers kept telling me that they were making money by writing a free newsletter.

So I looked into it. Basically, I have the rights to publish the Macaroni Kid newsletter for my community. It is an email newsletter that details all the fun family friendly events going on in our community. I was already doing the legwork by trying to figure out how to get my kids out of the house everyday. Now, I put all the info into the newsletter and spread it around to other parents in my town. Too easy! There is also space in the newsletter for me to write articles about things I care about, just like on this blog.

So, I have been cheating a bit. Do I feel guilty? A little bit. Everytime I log on to the computer to work on my newsletter, I feel a little twinge of guilt for not logging onto Blogger.

But I am LOVING my Macaroni Kid. I have been reaching out to other moms in my town and I am really starting to feel a sense of community that I have been missing. Even though my fellow blogging Mamas are absolutely FANTASTIC friends, I needed something more.

That is where I have been spending my time. I am trying to figure out a way to put some balance back into my life. I really need a create a schedule for myself for when I work on Macaroni Kid and when I work on both of my blogs. Sounds like something I can do in the car on the way to our two week vacation coming up!

If you are interested in publishing Macaroni Kid in your community, feel free to email me (cultivatingrosebuds{at}yahoo{dot}com) any questions you might have!

Do you see? Open your eyes

2010-06-11T20:38:00.000-04:00

This week something dawned on me. I am so blessed. Why this is just now occuring to me, I have no idea. Actually, I have known this for a long time. I just forgot for awhile.

I had a pity party for myself for about four months at the beginning of this year and I forgot how many blessings I have in my life. I could kick myself for losing those four months.

Since this was the first week of Miss H's summer break from school, I made an extra effort to do fun activities with her (hence my complete lack of blog presence.) We made little trips in the mornings to the playground or meeting up with friends, and we spent every afternoon at the pool. It was a fabulous week.

Baby B has been getting more and more mobile; first by low crawling, then on all fours, and just tonight started pulling up on the couch. She is saying Ma, Da, and Bye. I even think she is trying to say "all done."

The three of us have had so much fun just being together this week. I can't even begin to describe it. We have all been in good moods. Miss H has been a great listener and Baby B has not been very fussy even though she is cutting a tooth.

In the evenings, Miss H and I rehash the days events with Mr. Rose, and when the kids go to bed, he and I laugh over the antics of our beautiful little girls.

How could I have lost four months of this? How did I allow myself to wallow in my own self pity that I did not realize how many blessings I had right in front of my face?

Yes, having my husband gone for four months sucked. There. I said it. It sucked. But I should have realized how lucky, no blessed, that I was and am. I am a foolish, silly woman sometimes. I wish someone had said to me, "Open your eyes and SEE what is right in front of your face!"

They are wide open now, my friends, and they are seeing so many blessings. Blessings that I am not sure that I deserve sometimes.

Do you see your blessings? Open your eyes, they are right in front of your face.

Erin

Trying to go green

2010-06-07T16:18:00.000-04:00

A couple of months ago while the Rosebuds and I were staying with my parents, I had this conversation with my Dad:

Dad: "You know what? You make a lot of trash."

Me: "Well, there are three of us...two of whom are in diapers."

Dad: "No really. It's not just the diapers. I remember thinking that you made a lot of trash whenever you would come home from college."

Me: "Whatever."

But then I started thinking. Maybe I do make a lot of trash. I throw a lot of stuff away that probably should be recycled. And the diapers. Goodness the diapers. There aren't quite so many now that Miss H is *potty trained* but still, yikes.

Now that I am home, I have really been paying attention to what I throw in the garbage can. If it is anywhere close to being recyclable I throw it in the bin.

And as for the diapers, well, I have made the switch. Sort of...

When Miss H was a baby, I had a bunch of friends using cloth diapers. I just could not open my mind to the concept of washing used diapers in the washing machine. I was quite comfortable with taking off a dirty diaper and promptly throwing it in the Diaper Genie. But every once in a while, I would allow myself to wonder what it would be like. It seemed like all the cool kids were doing it. Was I missing the boat?

Baby B has lived her first ten months as a disposable diapers baby. For the last few months, she has been battling a nasty case of eczema. I have switched her bath soap and laundry detergent to organic sensitive skin brands. I bought every type of baby eczema cream that I could find. I switched to organic cotton sleepers. And now, I am trying cloth diapers. Again, sort of.

I say sort of because I decided to try gDiapers which are a hybrid type of cloth diaper. They have a cloth outer with a disposable insert that can either be thrown away or flushed down the toilet. The thing about these disposable inserts is that they are biodegradable. In the week that I have been using them, we have made great headway in reducing the amount of trash. (I have been flushing them.) The best part is Baby B's eczema is doing MUCH better!!

And you know what? I feel really good about it. I feel like even though it is a small change, it is a really good one. I even bought some gCloth inserts for the gDiapers which are the washable kind. We'll see how it goes.

If you have ever thought about trying cloth diapers but were afraid to, I say, go for it!

PYHO: Cancer scares the heck out of me

2010-06-02T09:05:00.000-04:00

Cancer. It seriously scares me. I'm sure it scares everyone. But it REALLY scares me.

A couple of weeks ago, my best friend from college called me. We were having a normal catch-up kind of conversation when he drops this on me:

Him: "We got some bad news this week." Very matter of fact like.

Me: "What's going on?" With a hint of fear in my voice

Him: "My wife has breast cancer."

Me: "Wait. What? I don't think I heard that right." Kids screaming in the background. Did he really say what I thought he said?

Him "Jen. Has. Breast. Cancer. She found a lump a couple of weeks ago. Turns out it is malignant."

She is 32 years old. I thought this was a concern for older women. Not women the same age as me.

During her lumpectomy last week, they discovered that the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes. That means she will have to do chemo and radiation.

As soon as I heard all this, I immediately internalized it. I feel so badly that my friend and his wife are going through this, but all I could think about was, What if this was me? Mother of a three year old and 10 month old. How would Mr. Rose and I deal with me being a cancer patient. What if I succumbed to this disease and left my children motherless? I don't want my children to grow up without me.

Cancer scares the H E Double Hockey Sticks out of me. What scares you?

Go check out more Pour Your Heart Out posts over at Things I Can't Say.

What is Memorial Day really about?

2010-05-30T11:54:00.000-04:00

Do you know? Do you care? Memorial Day is the day that we remember those who have fought and paid the ultimate price for our freedom.

Our freedom.

The freedom to speak our minds and write our opinions on blogs like these. The freedom to go to a church of our choosing and worship whatever you believe in. The freedom to vote for who we believe should run our government.

Do you take these things for granted? Do you take for granted the men and women who have sacrificed EVERYTHING in order for YOU to have these freedoms?

I have a friend. She is the kindest, most loving, most faithful person that I know. Her husband was one of my husband's best friends. He was killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq in 2007. Their son was four months old. He only got to see his son in person for ten days. Their son will never kick a soccer ball or play catch with his Dad. Because his Dad believed in what is good and honorable about our country. And he volunteered to protect those freedoms. He paid the ultimate price.

So take a moment sometime this weekend to think about those who have protected us over the last couple of hundred years. Offer a little prayer for them and their families and say thank you. They are what make this country great.

And please remember that freedom isn't free.

Happy Memorial Day.

Erin

PYHO: Mommy I want blue eyes like you

2010-05-26T07:38:00.002-04:00

My beautiful girl Miss H looks exactly like, and I'm talking spitting image here, her Daddy. Ever since she was born, people have told me how much she looks like him. I tried to fight it for awhile. "Look, she has my chin," I'd say. Finally, when her dark blue baby eyes turned into the chesnut brown of my husband, I threw in the towel. She is definitely his daughter.

Goodness is she beautiful. She has a smile that lights up a room. Her eyes twinkle with the happiness that exudes from her.

Then it happened. A few months ago, she really started understanding her colors. She would look at my eyes and say, "Mommy, your eyes are blue. My eyes are brown." She began pointing out the color of everyone's eyes. While we were staying at my parent's house, she was surrounded by blue eyed people - we all have blue eyes in my family. Now it seems that Baby B's eyes are a miraculously beautiful shade of blue.

Last week, Miss H was staring at herself in the mirror. She came out to the living room with a pout on her face. When I asked her what was wrong, she said, "I don't want brown eyes. I want to have BLUE EYES like YOU!"

I knew this day would come. I grew up wishing my nose was smaller, my thighs were skinnier, my boobs were bigger, and my hair was prettier. But I didn't begin to have those self image issues until my pre-teen years.

How is it that my three year old wants to be different already? Is this a body image issue? Or is this just that she wants to be more like Mommy?

I keep telling her that God makes everybody different and that He wanted her to have beautiful brown eyes like her Daddy. The other night she said to me during prayers, "Mommy, I want to ask Jesus why he gave me brown eyes." *SOB*

I really don't know how to deal with this. I thought she would let it go, but everyday now she tells me she wants blue eyes. I don't want her to have a self image complex as a preschooler. Any thoughts and advice would be appreciated.

Erin

Loving the stay-cation

2010-05-23T20:32:00.004-04:00

For the past two weeks, I feel like I have been on vacation. Except, I haven't gone anywhere. My husband has been off the past two weeks, so we have been hanging around the house getting settled back in. We ran errands together when Miss H was in school. When she wasn't, we did fun things like going to the pool or the library. We slept in and took naps.

We organized our house and took back our living room from the kids. Toys are now stored in their rooms (with a few exceptions). I moved Miss H's too small clothes into Baby B's closet. I packed up the newborn to 6 month size Baby B clothes and washed the 9 to 12 month size clothes.

If you can't afford to go anywhere this summer, I highly recommend the stay-cation. I feel refreshed and renewed. I am happy. I have been able to release the stress of the last few months and remember how much I love my family.

My husband and I have been able to have some great conversations, something we missed over the last few months. We have also had some side-splitting laugh attacks.

I also feel like I have reconnected with my kids. With the stress gone, I have been able to enjoy Miss H's antics more and fret over the potty training debacles less. I have cuddled and smooched my baby and truly enjoyed the stage of babyhood she is in.

These are the things that I have been missing over the last four months. And I didn't even realize it. That is what stress will do to you friends. Don't let it get to you the way it got to me. Take a staycation. Love on your husband and your kids. Get back to the root of yourself and your family. Everyone will be the better for it. Trust me.

Erin

Movie Madness

2010-05-17T16:25:00.003-04:00

This weekend we decided to take the girls to see a movie. We chose Oceans because we figured that was something both Miss H and Baby B could enjoy. So we loaded up the diaper bag and headed out to our local theater.

Miss H LOVES the movies, probably because she knows she gets to eat her favorite snack...popcorn. We have taken Baby B to movies before and she behaved well. I had no reason to believe that she would behave otherwise. WRONG. The little cutie could not keep her mouth shut. She has recently discovered her voice and felt that everyone in the theater needed to hear it. She was also wriggling all over the place trying to grab Miss H's hair, popcorn, and straw.

So out we went.

I purchased a veritable buffet of snacks for myself and we sat on a bench in the movie theater hallway. One of those snacks happened to be Twizzlers (one of my favorites!) Baby B was feasting on her favorite snack, Puffs. At one point she reached for one of the Twizzlers. I figured, what the heck? And let her have at it. She was just playing with it, bending it in different directions, looking at it with amazement.

I watched the people going into and coming out of the theaters. A mom and dad with four kids all dressed nicely. Couples on dates. A lady with a large Coke in one hand and a large Popcorn in the other using her tongue to pull the popcorn into her mouth because both hands were full. I love people watching. I was lost in my thoughts and observations. It was actually really relaxing.

Choke! Gag! Bleck! Cough, cough, cough!

Snap back to reality!! Baby B is gagging herself with the Twizzler! Whilst I was daydreaming, my little baby decided she liked the taste of a cherry Twizzler and was quietly gumming it before she tried to shove it down her throat.

She was fine. It was over before it really got started, but I still feel guilty. Chalk this up as a big Mommy fail!

Erin

Didn't I Feed You Yesterday? A Book Review

2010-05-15T20:21:00.001-04:00

Recently, I was given the opportunity to read Laura Bennet's (of Project Runway fame) book Didn't I Feed You Yesterday? A Mother's Guide to Sanity in Stilletos. This book could not have found me at a better time since I nearly lost my mind a few weeks ago (which you can read about here.) Didn't I Feed You Yesterday is a hilarious look inside the lives of Laura, her husband, and their brood of six children (five of whom are boys) all living together in a two bedroom Manhattan loft.

Among all the craziness that comes along with raising children, Laura maintains her sanity, her identity, and her style. One of her secrets to staying sane is booking herself a dentist appointment to take time for herself. When I read that, I was reminded of how I tend to put myself last, and that I need to do a better job of taking care of me.

She also writes about listening to a flight attendant instruct her during pre-flight to place the oxygen mask on herself first before assisting small children. If you aren't surviving, you won't be able to take care of your kids either. It makes total sense, and yet, I continually make the mistake of doing the opposite. I try to help my kids before I can breathe myself.

Another area of my life where I tend to struggle is with my sense of style. I find myself reaching for the same pair of jeans and t-shirt day in and day out. Laura writes that style is "about making a conscious decision to present yourself to the world in a particular manner." I found it admirable that she is able to get dressed up everyday and I made it my mission to break out of the mommy-style rut.

I loved reading this book. Laura has an easy, conversational writing style and the chapters are more of a collection of short stories which makes it easy to put down and pick back up. Didn't I Feed You Yesterday? is a must read for any mom who feels like she may be getting sucked under!

I was given a copy of Didn't I Feed You Yesterday by the author, Laura Bennett. I was not compensated in any way for this review. These are my opinions only.

Erin

Pour Your Heart Out - Finding a routine

2010-05-12T09:00:00.000-04:00

I have been out of the blogging routine for so long, I feel like I can't remember how to do this anymore. I have no routine and it overwhelms me. Adjusting back to life at home is more challenging that I expected it would be. I have so many things I want to do, and I want to do them all RIGHT NOW.

I want to go to the gym....like everyday. I want to take Miss H to the pool to swim. I want to write on my blog, and read and comment on your blogs. I want to sign up for sewing classes.

I need to clean my house, do my laundry, and prepare meals for my family. I need to work on my new "wobby" as a Macaroni Kid Publisher Mom, which I absolutely LOVE doing.

I want to connect with my friends on Twitter and Facebook. I want to upload pictures from my camera for the last couple of months and update my family blog. I want to go pick blueberries.

I want. I need. I want. I need.

Breathe.......................

This is my reminder to myself that everything will get done in good time. That I just need to take some time to get back into my routine.

Erin