A few weeks ago, I joined a local organic food buying group in order to get a wider variety of organic produce than what was available at my local grocery store. The first time I went to pick up my order, I was greeted by a sweet woman with two little boys and a very visible pregnant belly. A discussion about her due date and what she was having followed, and I wished her well with her birth as her due date was approaching.
About a week later, the organizer emailed everyone in the group to let us know that she was suspending the buying group for the next few weeks because "they had received some terrible news" regarding her baby. There were no details other than that.
Today, we found out that her precious baby girl died a few hours after birth due to a chromosomal defect called Trisomy 18. I cried when I read her email, and I am crying now as I type it here. I barely know this woman, and yet, my heart breaks for her and for her family.
Two years ago, I lost a baby at just 8 weeks gestation. I have never written about my loss on my blog before. Every time I hear about another lost pregnancy or baby, it brings back all the feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, and fear that I felt then.
I remember how I felt watching the doctor perform our first ultrasound, looking and looking and looking for that heartbeat. Mr. Rose was there with me, holding my hand. I just kept thinking over and over again, "This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening to me."
Even though I believe in waiting until 12 weeks to announce a pregnancy for fear of having a miscarriage, I never honestly thought it would happen to me. Amazingly, after my miscarriage, I learned that 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage.
My miscarriage is what is called a missed miscarriage because I had no bleeding or other symptoms. I waited a week to schedule my D&C. When my doctor convinced me that it was time, I went to the hospital for the outpatient procedure. I cried as they put me under anesthesia and I was crying when I woke up.
So why am I writing all this now? Well, the email from my friend set me off and got me thinking about it again. Then I remembered that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I want people to know that miscarriage is a lot more common than we think. If it has happened to you and you feel alone, you aren't. It seems like every time I tell someone that I lost a baby, they tell me that it happened to them once too.
If you have ever lost a child, from my heart I tell you that I am so sorry. Leave me a comment and let me know (and include your child's name if you named them) and I will include you in my prayers tonight for all the angel babies that have been lost.
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