All cats go to heaven

Today, our dear cat Wiley passed away. We are stunned and saddened. Wiley was staying at our local kitty condos while we are on our two week family vacation. The owner checked on him last night before closing and he was fine. This morning, he was simply gone.

I cannot believe that this has happened. Wiley was my first pet on my own. I adopted him from a litter of kittens that one of my sister's friends found. He was fiesty from the start. From the very beginning he loved to chase anything you would throw for him, especially balled up post-it notes. He would even "fetch" them and expect you to throw them over and over again for him to chase.

When Wiley was just a few months old, I remember him cuddling up with me on the couch as I cried my heart out over a broken up relationship. It really felt like he was trying to comfort me. Years later as I lay on my couch in the weeks before Miss H was born, he would curl up next to my belly. In recent years as my life has gotten busier and more complicated with two small children, Wiley has definitely taken a back seat. Every once in awhile when he would venture out during naptime or in the evenings, he would still climb up in my lap for a little cuddle. Mr. Rose told me that he read an article stating that petting a cat could lower your blood pressure. I remembered this through the four months that Mr. Rose was gone and frequently rubbed the back of Wiley's head while trying to fall asleep at night.

Now, my husband and I face the difficult job of explaining why Wiley is not coming home from his "kitty vacation" to Miss H who has no concept of life, death, heaven, or the hereafter. The best advice I have received on this so far is to simply be honest with her. I am not looking forward to that conversation. This is the last thing I want to do on our vacation.

Well look at that. I just poured my heart out, and I wasn't even planning it. Linking up with Shell at Things I Can't Say for Pour Your Heart Out.

I'm on vacation....

I've been cheating on my blog....

Yes, I have been cheating on my blog. I know she is feeling sad and neglected. It has been a couple of months now since I was faithfully posting on her and sending visitors her way to leave us lovely comments.

You see, about two months ago, I started a new venture that I am COMPLETELY addicted to. It's called Macaroni Kid. Have you seen that name buzzing around the blogosphere. I started seeing it around back in April. I was curious because all these bloggers kept telling me that they were making money by writing a free newsletter.

So I looked into it. Basically, I have the rights to publish the Macaroni Kid newsletter for my community. It is an email newsletter that details all the fun family friendly events going on in our community. I was already doing the legwork by trying to figure out how to get my kids out of the house everyday. Now, I put all the info into the newsletter and spread it around to other parents in my town. Too easy! There is also space in the newsletter for me to write articles about things I care about, just like on this blog.

So, I have been cheating a bit. Do I feel guilty? A little bit. Everytime I log on to the computer to work on my newsletter, I feel a little twinge of guilt for not logging onto Blogger.

But I am LOVING my Macaroni Kid. I have been reaching out to other moms in my town and I am really starting to feel a sense of community that I have been missing. Even though my fellow blogging Mamas are absolutely FANTASTIC friends, I needed something more.

That is where I have been spending my time. I am trying to figure out a way to put some balance back into my life. I really need a create a schedule for myself for when I work on Macaroni Kid and when I work on both of my blogs. Sounds like something I can do in the car on the way to our two week vacation coming up!

If you are interested in publishing Macaroni Kid in your community, feel free to email me (cultivatingrosebuds{at}yahoo{dot}com) any questions you might have!

Do you see? Open your eyes

This week something dawned on me. I am so blessed. Why this is just now occuring to me, I have no idea. Actually, I have known this for a long time. I just forgot for awhile.

I had a pity party for myself for about four months at the beginning of this year and I forgot how many blessings I have in my life. I could kick myself for losing those four months.

Since this was the first week of Miss H's summer break from school, I made an extra effort to do fun activities with her (hence my complete lack of blog presence.) We made little trips in the mornings to the playground or meeting up with friends, and we spent every afternoon at the pool. It was a fabulous week.

Baby B has been getting more and more mobile; first by low crawling, then on all fours, and just tonight started pulling up on the couch. She is saying Ma, Da, and Bye. I even think she is trying to say "all done."

The three of us have had so much fun just being together this week. I can't even begin to describe it. We have all been in good moods. Miss H has been a great listener and Baby B has not been very fussy even though she is cutting a tooth.

In the evenings, Miss H and I rehash the days events with Mr. Rose, and when the kids go to bed, he and I laugh over the antics of our beautiful little girls.

How could I have lost four months of this? How did I allow myself to wallow in my own self pity that I did not realize how many blessings I had right in front of my face?

Yes, having my husband gone for four months sucked. There. I said it. It sucked. But I should have realized how lucky, no blessed, that I was and am. I am a foolish, silly woman sometimes. I wish someone had said to me, "Open your eyes and SEE what is right in front of your face!"

They are wide open now, my friends, and they are seeing so many blessings. Blessings that I am not sure that I deserve sometimes.

Do you see your blessings? Open your eyes, they are right in front of your face.

Erin

Trying to go green

A couple of months ago while the Rosebuds and I were staying with my parents, I had this conversation with my Dad:

Dad: "You know what? You make a lot of trash."

Me: "Well, there are three of us...two of whom are in diapers."

Dad: "No really. It's not just the diapers. I remember thinking that you made a lot of trash whenever you would come home from college."

Me: "Whatever."

But then I started thinking. Maybe I do make a lot of trash. I throw a lot of stuff away that probably should be recycled. And the diapers. Goodness the diapers. There aren't quite so many now that Miss H is *potty trained* but still, yikes.

Now that I am home, I have really been paying attention to what I throw in the garbage can. If it is anywhere close to being recyclable I throw it in the bin.

And as for the diapers, well, I have made the switch. Sort of...

When Miss H was a baby, I had a bunch of friends using cloth diapers. I just could not open my mind to the concept of washing used diapers in the washing machine. I was quite comfortable with taking off a dirty diaper and promptly throwing it in the Diaper Genie. But every once in a while, I would allow myself to wonder what it would be like. It seemed like all the cool kids were doing it. Was I missing the boat?

Baby B has lived her first ten months as a disposable diapers baby. For the last few months, she has been battling a nasty case of eczema. I have switched her bath soap and laundry detergent to organic sensitive skin brands. I bought every type of baby eczema cream that I could find. I switched to organic cotton sleepers. And now, I am trying cloth diapers. Again, sort of.

I say sort of because I decided to try gDiapers which are a hybrid type of cloth diaper. They have a cloth outer with a disposable insert that can either be thrown away or flushed down the toilet. The thing about these disposable inserts is that they are biodegradable. In the week that I have been using them, we have made great headway in reducing the amount of trash. (I have been flushing them.) The best part is Baby B's eczema is doing MUCH better!!

And you know what? I feel really good about it. I feel like even though it is a small change, it is a really good one. I even bought some gCloth inserts for the gDiapers which are the washable kind. We'll see how it goes.

If you have ever thought about trying cloth diapers but were afraid to, I say, go for it!

PYHO: Cancer scares the heck out of me

Cancer. It seriously scares me. I'm sure it scares everyone. But it REALLY scares me.

A couple of weeks ago, my best friend from college called me. We were having a normal catch-up kind of conversation when he drops this on me:

Him: "We got some bad news this week." Very matter of fact like.

Me: "What's going on?" With a hint of fear in my voice

Him: "My wife has breast cancer."

Me: "Wait. What? I don't think I heard that right." Kids screaming in the background. Did he really say what I thought he said?

Him "Jen. Has. Breast. Cancer. She found a lump a couple of weeks ago. Turns out it is malignant."

She is 32 years old. I thought this was a concern for older women. Not women the same age as me.

During her lumpectomy last week, they discovered that the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes. That means she will have to do chemo and radiation.

As soon as I heard all this, I immediately internalized it. I feel so badly that my friend and his wife are going through this, but all I could think about was, What if this was me? Mother of a three year old and 10 month old. How would Mr. Rose and I deal with me being a cancer patient. What if I succumbed to this disease and left my children motherless? I don't want my children to grow up without me.

Cancer scares the H E Double Hockey Sticks out of me. What scares you?

Go check out more Pour Your Heart Out posts over at Things I Can't Say.